SUBTYPES result from the interaction of the Vice or Passion of each type with the natural expression of the Instincts: self-preservation (SP), social (SO) and sexual or one-on-one (SX). The summary descriptions of these interactions are from Bea Chestnut’s and Ginger Lapid-Bogda’s transmission of Claudio Naranjo’s latest thoughts and workshops about subtypes. The descriptive word(s) for each subtype are Oscar Ichazo’s.
There is a countertype for each subtype where the energy of the vice/passion runs counter to the energy expression of the type itself. This can lead to mistyping. Possible look-alike types are given in the parentheses below.
ONE
Anger (dissatisfied with how things are)
SP “Worry” – make self perfect – angry at self because imperfect – correct self – anger most repressed (like 6)
SO “Non-Adaptability/Rigidity” – make environment perfect – make self a role model – set standard of how to be – know the right way to be – teacher mentality – correct social institutions – anger if others and society don’t come up to expectations – anger half hidden; turns to coolness (like 5)
SX “Zeal” (countertype) – make others perfect – reformer vs perfectionist – perfect others (especially significant others and those important to them) – zeal/passion fueled by anger – anger most explicit (like 8)
TWO
Pride (self-worth depends on how others respond to them; appear appealing and helpful; get needs met indirectly by seducing others)
SP “Me-First/Privilege” (countertype) – seduce like child by being pleasing and cute to be privileged and taken care of – doesn’t look so adult – princes and princesses (like SP 6 or 4)
SO “Ambition” – seduce group – important to group – stand above group – over-adult – emperors and empresses who earned right to royalty (like 3 or SO 8)
SX “Aggression/Seduction” – seduce individuals to be desired by others and be given what need – feel especially valued when chosen by someone important and so meets needs of these individuals – – kings and queens whose royal status is their birthright (like SX 4)
THREE
Vanity/Deceit (need to achieve to appear successful and gain admiration from others)
SP “Security” (countertype) – goes against vanity by trying to be good – vanity for having no vanity – create image of having no image – being perfect model of quality – deceit: try to say truth but deceive self about their unconscious motivations (like SP 1 or 6)
SO “Prestige” – want to be recognized on social stage by creating polished image – shine before whole world or particular reference groups – prestige – socially brilliant – want to be recognized and admired – most competitive of 3’s – corporate mentality – what’s best for group – deceit: image covers any flaws (like 7)
SX “Masculinity/Femininity” – charismatic pleaser who focuses on being appealing and supporting others – promote others vs talk about self – want to be seen as successful by people important to them – important to be attractive – sex appeal and beauty vs money and prestige – deceit: don’t show unattractive parts to significant others (like SX 2 or 7)
FOUR
Envy (compare self to others and feel deficient, superior, or both)
SP “Reckless/Dauntless/Tenacity” (countertype) – long suffering – internalizes/denies suffering – endures – stoic – don’t appear sensitive or envious – more masochistic than melodramatic – (like 1 or 7 “Sunny Four”) – active – (like 3)
SO “Shame” – wears suffering on sleeve – overly sensitive – a comfort and familiarity about suffering – suffering makes them special – defective – sense of shame – “Sad Four” – (vs SX Four who is shameless) – want understanding and appreciation for their suffering from their group
SX “Competition” – projects suffering and makes others suffer to compensate for their suffering – pain turned into anger – “Mad Four” – refusal to suffer – arrogant in order to be recognized – become superior and attractive to get love – winning to be understood and come out on top (like SX 8)
FIVE
Avarice (for knowledge and for safe place away from intrusions to preserve energy and resources)
SP “Castle” – passion for hiding behind walls – need for boundaries and to store up supplies – inability to ask for what want or take what want – survive within walls – ascetic – get by on little – least communicative and most withdrawn of Fives – don’t want to be intruded upon
SO “Totem” – more social than other Fives – avaricious for knowledge – needs can get met through the mind – relate to idealized others vs real others – idealism can lead to spiritual bypass – search for meaning through being connected to something special – search for extraordinary people in the group
SX “Confidence” (Countertype) – more intense, romantic, emotionally sensitive (like 4) – passionate about one person – search for ideal partner that can trust and confide in and be transparent with – need for intimacy with someone they can share their secrets with – experience the divine in human relationship – doesn’t want to share this special person with others
SIX
Fear (hope for best but fear it won’t happen; doubt that others are trustworthy or whether they, themselves, can meet challenges of life)
SP “Warmth” – warm, affectionate Six – most fearful – insecurity –world is dangerous – fear of not being protected – dependent on others – look to family or family substitutes – seek alliances by being trustworthy and friendly – not aggressive – I’m no threat – indecision – uncertainty – too much tolerance for uncertainty (like SP 2)
SO “Duty” – cool, obedient Six – follow the rules – get approval from authorities – Prussian character – mixture of phobic and counterphobic – becomes overly sure as defense against being unsure – rely on reason and rules – ideology – can be fanatic – like precision and dislike ambiguity – can be efficient and legalistic (like 3’s and 1’s)
SX “Strength/Beauty” (Countertype) – hot, aggressive Six – counterphobic: push against fear – avoidance of fear – turns against fear with strength – can be intimidating – best defense is to attack – make others afraid – (like 8) – can be paranoid – move toward risk; confront danger – can also use charism/attraction/beauty to deal with challenges and offset fear
SEVEN
Gluttony (an insatiable search for new, stimulating, interesting, pleasurable experiences to avoid painful emotions and situations)
SP “Keepers of the Castle” – find security through gluttonous search for pleasure and like-minded allies – close network of family, friends, colleagues – good mafia – take advantage of opportunities – self serving – hedonistic, sensuous, earthy – cynical and materialistic vs gullible dreamer (like SX 7)
SO “Sacrifice” (Countertype) – anti-gluttony – sacrifice of gluttony through being of service to others or ideals – (like 2) – doesn’t want to exploit others or be excessively opportunistic – wants to be good – get by on less for self – ascetic (like 5) – take on responsibility in group or family – postpone desires
SX “Suggestibility/Fascination” – idealistic search for ultimate relationship and best imaginable experiences – can be fascinated by one other person – optimism of someone in love – rose-colored glasses – dreamer – imagine something better than reality – light hearted enjoyer – gullible and overly susceptible to enthusiasm – gluttonous for things of higher world
EIGHT
Lust (excessive self-satisfying behaviors; lust for life; pursue justice and control)
SP “Satisfaction/Survival” – get what is needed for survival in a powerful, lusty way – know how to get what they want – strategic – strong, silent type – satisfaction of material needs and intolerance for frustration – (like SX 1 but not concerned with norms) – self-armoring (like 5)
SO “Solidarity” (Countertype) – need to protect others and go up against those who might commit injustices – challenge social norms – social anti-social person – aggression in service of others but less aggressive than SP 8 – in solidarity with others against oppression – excessive for group causes – “band of brothers or sisters” – loyal and want loyalty – (like SO 2) – softer than other 8’s but blind spot for own needs for love and protection which gets compensated by power and pleasure
SX “Possession” passionate, charismatic character who goes against social conventions in a provocative way – most rebellious and emotional of 8’s – anti-social – pride in being “bad” – takes over environment and commands attention – possessive of those with whom they are intimate or close – charismatic, seductive, intense, passionate (like SX 6 or SX 4)
NINE
Sloth (need for fusion; self-numbing; acedia; forgetting self)
SP “Appetite” – fuse with own body or physical comforts – merging with routines and pleasant activities or objects (collectors) to distract self from personal priorities – satisfaction of physical needs – forget spiritual needs – erase self – fulfillment of appetites substitutes for need for love – concrete vs. abstract – inertia – more irritable than other 9’s (8ish)
SO “Participation” (Countertype) – fuse/merge with a group – work on behalf of group to distract from own priorities – friendly, congenial – need to feel a part of things to compensate for feeling of not belonging – exert effort to be part of group – lose sense of self in service of others – generous, unselfish) (like 2) – workaholic (like 3)
SX “Union” – fuse/blend with one other person – be through another vs. be on one’s own – find own passion for living and purpose through finding it in another – substitute another’s agenda for one’s own – confuse own fulfillment with gratifying needs of those with whom they have merged – kind and gentle, least assertive (like 2)
SOURCES
Chestnut, Beatrice. The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge. SheWrites Press, 2013.
Lapid-Bogda, Ginger. The Art of Typing. The Enneagram in Business Press. 2018.
Naranjo, Claudio. Transformation Through Insight. Hohm Press. 1997
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/ajppczxj7u0.jpg12001200Harry Hitzemanhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgHarry Hitzeman2025-07-09 11:36:042025-07-09 11:42:37Enneagram Subtypes: A Synopsis
The nine vices that fuel and distort each Enneagram type attempt to serve the three instincts found in each Enneatype but ironically end up corrupting and misdirecting those instincts. Certain words or phrases arise to describe this contaminating combination of vice + instinct for each Enneagram type.
ONE
Vice or passion = anger and resentment
SP Anxiety/ Worry
Anger in the service of self-preservation. Anger is dispersed and partially diffused through anxiety by worrying about survival: health, finances, shelter, occupation, etc. Anger is channeled against the unequal distribution of goods. Everyone should get their due; otherwise, it’s not fair. Anger gets expressed in “shoulds.”
SO Non-Adaptability/Rigid
Anger in the service of belonging. Anger is expressed as righteous indignation; angry virtue. Anger gets frozen in the musculature and becomes rigidity. Anger is channeled into resistance and opposition to injustice – especially social injustice.
SX Jealousy
Anger in the service of intimate relationships. Anger gets infused into love and becomes jealousy: holding on to my loved one and what is rightfully mine and fearing that someone more perfect might come along and steal away the beloved. Reformers are jealous and zealous for the cause.
TWO
Vice or passion = pride
SP Privilege
Pride in the service of self-preservation. Pride of place: I am the center of the family, the privileged child, and so you will take care of me.
SO Ambition
Pride in the service of belonging. I am the center of the group, the Queen Bee. I am important to the group. The group needs me, affirms me, and provides for me.
SX Aggressive/Seductive
Pride in the service of intimate relationships. I am the attractor, aggressor, seducer of the couple. I will win you over through the force and allure of my personality and get you to fall in love with me and then you will want to meet my needs without my having to ask.
THREE
Vice or passion = vanity
SP Security
Vanity in the service of self-preservation. If I own and display the best (designer clothes, nice home, luxury car), I will be OK. I will survive if I look good and others think I’m doing well.
SO Prestige
Vanity in the service of belonging. If I’m on stage, shine, am seen and admired, I will assure my place in the group. I will be recognized and touted in business and social circles – or any circle, for that matter.
SX Masculinity/Femininity
Vanity in the service of intimate relationships. I will make myself attractive to you and you will want to connect and partner with me. I will manifest the qualities of the superman and superwoman valued by my culture. Vanity in the service of procreation. According to evolutionary psychology, what men look for in women are appearances of health; and what women look for in men are signs of being a reliable provider.
FOUR
Vice or passion = envy
SP Tenacity “Sunny 4”
Envy in the service of self-preservation. What I admire and envy in you, I will emulate and cultivate in myself to survive. I will hide my suffering and endure. I will soldier on through my pain.
SO Shame “Sad 4”
Envy in the service of belonging. By being ashamed of my status, inadequacy and inferiority, I will draw you towards me; you will feel sorry for me; and you will bring me into the fold. In comparison to others, I come out on the bottom. I will display my suffering since it makes me special.
SX Competition “Mad 4”
Envy in the service of intimate relationships. I’ll show you. I will out class you. I’m attractive because I’m superior and have elite standards. In comparison to significant others, I come out on top. I will make you suffer.
FIVE
Vice or passion = avarice
SP Castle
Avarice in the service of self-preservation. In my castle I will hoard what I need to survive. My privacy and a secure hiding place from intruders and marauders help me survive. I will collect things.
SO Totem
Avarice in the service of belonging. I will gather within me knowledge of esoteric subjects. I will be an expert in my field and will be sought out. I will collect important people in my tribe and be surrounded by fellow experts, people in the know.
SX Confidence
Avarice in the service of intimate relationships. I will bond with one person that I can totally share myself and my castle with and enjoy an idealistic/romantic relationship. I will collect one person with whom I will feel comfortable and confident.
SIX
Vice or passion = fear
SP Warmth
Fear in the service of self-preservation. My fear leads me to be warm and friendly. Since I present no threat to you, you won’t need to hurt me. I have a fear of not being safe or protected.
SO Duty
Fear in the service of belonging. I fear being thrown out of the group, becoming an outcast. So, I will do my duty, do what I’m told, and follow the rules. This is how I stay a member of the club.
SX Strength/Beauty
Fear in the service of intimate relationships. I’m afraid of not finding a mate. By appearing strong (M) and beautiful/alluring (F), I will appeal to a mate. Also, if I attract a strong and/or beautiful mate, they will keep me safe and secure.
SEVEN
Vice or passion = gluttony
SP Keepers of the Castle
Gluttony in the service of self-preservation. I will gather around me a group of like-minded friends, my extended family. I will feel safe with them. I will also be greedy for new opportunities and advantages to keep hope alive and keep me interested and interesting.
SO Sacrifice
Gluttony in the service of belonging. Paradoxically, I will give up my own pleasure for the sake of my family to keep them around me. When they are self-sufficient, though, I can then indulge my desires and get back to having more fun.
SX Suggestible
Gluttony in the service of intimate relationships. I will attract someone by being blindly in love, optimistic, upbeat, pollyannish, a dreamer, enthusiastic, gullible. I’m open to suggestions. What’s not to love?
EIGHT
Vice or passion = lust
SP Satisfactory Survival
Lust in the service of self-preservation. I know how to survive and will get what I need in order to make it. As a survivalist and can get by on the bare minimum if necessary. I literally have a “lust for life,” and intensity to live.
SO Protector/Friendship
Lust in the service of belonging. I project my own vulnerability onto others and then act to protect the underdog. My aggression is in the service of others and appears as an excess of care. It’s hard not to intensely overreact to injustice. Also, we all survive by having each other’s backs: “a band of brothers;” “the sisterhood of the traveling pants.”
SX Possession
Lust in the service of intimate relationships. I will take over, own you, and own the room. You are “my” spouse, child, business, class, etc. I am a provocateur. My boldness, directness, self-confidence, intensity, and aggression will attract you.
NINE
Vice or passion = sloth
SP Appetite
Indolence in the service of self-preservation. I seek comfort by having my physical needs met. To survive, I numb and distract myself. Resignation and settling replace love and action. I lose myself in things or my own body.
SO Participation
Indolence in the service of belonging. I join groups to distract myself from self-care. If I meet the group’s needs, I trick myself into believing I meet my own needs. I merge with and lose myself in the group. The organization will carry me along.
SX Union
Indolence in the service of intimate relationships. I fuse, merge, become one with another. I lose myself in another person. The other person will provide for me and carry me along. I can also find my purpose through another by supporting their agenda.
There are many facets to peace. Each Enneagram style has its particular perception of peace and reminds us of the various aspects of peace. These insights come from essence and turn outward. “What’s in it for everyone?”
Each Enneatype also has a skewed sense of peace. This is an egoic perspective which turns inward. “What’s in it for me?”
Unfortunately, when we get what we mistakenly want, we also frustrate what we really want.
And, ironically, when we attain our distorted egoic notion of peace, we fuel our vice, setting up the vicious circle of our biased thinking and contaminated feeling.
Anger is said to be the emotion associated with the body types 8-9-1. When we are in our essence, there is no place for anger. Our ego believes that when we have created the proper internal and external conditions, we will no longer need to be angry.
Sadness is said to be the emotion associated with the body types 2-3-4. When we are in our essence, there is no room for sadness. Our ego believes that when we have created the proper internal and external conditions, we will no longer be sad.
Fear is said to be the emotion associated with the body types 5-6-7. In essence there is no need to fear. Our ego believes that when we have created the proper internal and external conditions, we will no longer be afraid.
ONE
All is good. All will be well. Everything is in its proper place. Peace is the tranquility of order. The universe is basically good and is unfolding as it should. There is no reason to be angry and resentful.
I can be at peace when I’m perfect; you’re perfect; everything is perfect. There are no imperfections in my life and so I don’t need to be resentful. Unfortunately, when everything is perfect, there is entropy; no more growth.
When you are the most perfect person in the room, others tend to pick out your flaws and then you will get angry and that will disturb your peace.
TWO
All is love. When we love one another, we contribute to the well-being and building up of the community. The foundation and glue of the universe is love. Though grief is the price we pay for love, love is larger than and enfolds sadness.
I can be at peace when I am loved, appreciated, accepted, and approved of. There is no rejection in my life and so I won’t be sad. Regrettably, when there is no fear of rejection, there is no necessity for affiliation and connection.
When you are the most helpful person in the room, people will constantly seek your help and that will disturb your peace. But it will inflate your pride.
THREE
All is accomplished. The universe is running efficiently. It is a cosmos of finely tuned intra- and inter-connected parts. Creation has achieved its purpose. It is doing what it is meant to do and so there is no reason to be sad.
I can be at peace when I am successful and admired. I can do. There is no inefficacy in my life and so nothing to be sad about. Paradoxically, when I have done everything, there is no more purpose in my life.
When you are the most efficient person in the room, people will invariably ask you to do things for them and you will have no rest. But it will enliven your vanity.
FOUR
All is beautiful. Everything is what it is: authentic. Everything is inner and inter-connected. Everything belongs. All is grace. Nothing is missing and there is no need to be sad.
I can be at peace when I am seen to be special and I belong. There is no ugliness or isolation in my life and I won’t be melancholy. Sadly, when I am completely unique and like no one else, no one could ever possibly understand me.
When you are the most sensitive person in the room, people will inevitably hurt your feelings and that will upset your equilibrium and you will become envious of people who are peaceful.
FIVE
All is true. Reason, nous, the noosphere oversees the universe and the meaning of it all is apparent. The essence of the universe is consciousness which replaces fear.
I can be at peace when I know everything. There is no ignorance in my life and I don’t have to be afraid. Unfortunately, when I know everything, there is nothing left to learn. So, what’s the sense?
When you are the smartest person in the room, you can’t learn anything and that will make you the stupidest person in the room which will then make you avaricious for more knowledge.
SIX
All is faith. The laws of the universe are benevolent and beneficent. They can be known and followed. They can be trusted and not feared.
I can be at peace when I have considered every consequence and am prepared to deal with all of them. When there is no doubt in my life, I will no longer be afraid. Tragically, when I am dogmatic, I am rigidly constrained and on guard instead of free and safe.
When you are the most anxious and suspicious person in the room, people will continually disturb your peace which will make you more fearful.
SEVEN
All is hope. All will end well. All will be fulfilled. There is every reason to be optimistic and there is nothing to worry about.
I can be at peace when I have experienced everything and have exhausted all of my options. When there is no pain, suffering, or darkness in my life, I won’t be afraid. Regrettably, when I have experienced everything, there is no more adventure and I will be bored.
When I am the bubbliest person in the room, people will try to burst my bubbles and that will upset me and make me gluttonous for even more good times and experiences.
EIGHT
All is just. The arc of the universe bends toward justice. Everyone’s rights are honored and everyone gets their due. I can let go of my anger.
I can be at peace when I am in control and my strength will keep me safe. When there is no vulnerability in my life, I no longer need my anger to protect me. Ironically, the strongest person in the world, is also the loneliest and most exposed.
When I am the strongest person in the room, people will want to topple me and that will limit my peace and I will become even more lustful for power and control.
NINE
All is one. The harmony of the spheres. Unitary consciousness vs. duality. Separateness is an illusion. Anger arises from separation and so is no longer needed.
I can be at peace when I am content, satisfied, and settled. When there is no conflict or upset in my life, there is nothing to be angry about. However, since there is no friction in my life and I don’t stand out because I blend in, I will be overlooked.
When I am the most effaced person in the room, people will not notice me and my real needs won’t be met. That will upset me and I must resign myself, settle for what I have, and become more indolent.
INSTINCTS
Mother Nature has evolved three instincts to keep us alive (self-preservation), connected (social), and procreant (sexual).
But these instincts can be used either for the individual or for the community. I’ll do whatever I can to stay alive, to belong to a group, to prolong my genes and legacy. Or, I’ll do what I can to help others stay alive, belong, and be generative.
Just because Mother Nature evolved these instincts, it doesn’t mean they can’t be misused. Our celebral cortex and heart may need to override possible distortions of the instincts.
For example, our instinct to survive may resort to homicide or genicide to maintain our life and lifestyle.
Our instinct to survive in groups creates ingroups and outgroups, friends and enemies, like-minded and alien people who don’t look like or think like us. We close the gates and borders to immigrants and promote xenophobia.
Our sexual instinct may forbid bonding and mating for anyone except heterosexual couples and discourage adopting and surregacy by homosexual partners.
May we use our instincts for peace and the good of everyone. In the timely observations of Pope Francis:
Rivers do not drink their own water.
Trees do not eat their own fruit.
The sun does not shine on itself.
Flowers do not spread their fragrance for themselves.
Living for others is a rule of nature.
We are all born to help each other.
No matter how difficult it is.
Life is good when you are happy;
But much better when others are happy because of you.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/s297j2csdlm.jpg10671600Harry Hitzemanhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgHarry Hitzeman2025-06-23 11:37:242025-07-09 10:19:26What Does PEACE Mean for Your Enneagram Style?
Defense mechanisms are used by our ego to maintain our self-esteem. They automatically keep out of our awareness any parts of ourselves that might damage our good reputation as well as keeping our offensive ego-dystonic parts out of sight of the judgmental eyes of others – not to mention our own.
Freud and his daughter Anna catalogued many of these defensive maneuvers and Claudio Naranjo arranged some of them around the Enneagram circle. So, while one of the defenses might be congenial to a particular type, we certainly have all of them at our disposal.
Defense mechanisms in the service of the ego distort reality and limit us; defense mechanisms in the service of the self may actually help us expand beyond ourself and get somewhere. Is there something redeemable about defense mechanisms if we can use them consciously and conscientiously?
Let’s look at the bad news and potential good news about defense mechanisms. We may have to channel our inner SEVEN to find the good in the not-so-good. But maybe we can reframe defenses so they become something useful and productive.
To describe the defenses, in italics I’m using the explanation from the APA Dictionary of Psychology (American Psychological Association, 2007). That makes it more official and officious.
ENNEAGRAM STYLES and their DEFENSE MECHANISMS
Style ONE – Reaction Formation
Reaction formation is the defense in which unacceptable or threatening unconscious impulses are denied and are replaced in consciousness with their opposite. For example, to conceal an unconscious prejudice an individual may preach tolerance; to deny feelings of rejection, a mother may be overindulgent toward her child.
Do the opposite. If you feel angry, repress it and be nice. If you feel vulnerable, stuff it and be mean. If you feel sexy, be puritanical. Whenever I’m tempted to exercise, I lay down until the temptation passes, which is opposed to the advice that the best way to get rid of a temptation is to give in to it.
The ONE’s superego is uncomfortable with and intolerant of their id. Their wants get replaced with their shoulds. Instead of transcending and including their animal nature into their human nature (cf. Ken Wilber below), they reject their impulsive self and go right to their angelic self. This is sometimes referred to as “spiritual bypassing.”
So, what’s good about reaction formation? Well, it’s the basis of exposure therapy. Think the thought, feel the feeling, do the very thing you are loath to do. Afraid of rejection? Be a telemarketer. Afraid of heights? Take up skydiving. Afraid of dogs, volunteer at an animal shelter. Instead of avoiding (which is the preferred option of negative reinforcement), just do it. Do the opposite. This is also a tried-and-true spiritual practice: agere contra, act against. Tempted to pray less? Pray more. Tempted to fast less? Fast more. Acting against are also practices for training the will.
According to Rollo May, will is the capacity to organize oneself so that movement in a certain direction or toward a certain goal may take place. Will converts a cognitive intention into behavior.
Is your will frequently:
Pushed around by the will of other people?
Subjugated by your feelings, such as depression, anger, or fear?
Paralyzed by inertia?
Lulled to sleep by habit?
Disintegrated by distractions?
Corroded by doubts?
Using your will:
Do something you have never done before.
Perform an act of courage.
Make a plan and then follow it.
Keep doing what you are doing for five more minutes even if you are tired or restless or feel the attraction of something else.
Do something extremely slowly.
Say “no” when it is right to say “no,” but easier to say “yes.”
Do what seems to you the most important thing to be done.
When facing a minor choice, choose without hesitation.
Act contrary to all expectations.
Behave independently of what other people might think or say.
Refrain from saying something you are tempted to say.
Postpone an action you would prefer to begin right now.
Begin, at once, an action you would prefer to postpone.
Eliminate something superfluous from your life.
Break a habit.
Do something that makes you feel insecure.
Carry out an action with complete attention and intensity, as if it were your last.
These are some ways you might use reaction formation in the service of the self.
Style TWO – Repression
Repression is the mechanism that consists of excluding painful experiences and unacceptable impulses from consciousness. Repression operates on an unconscious level as a protection against anxiety produced by objectionable sexual wishes, feelings of hostility, and ego-threatening experiences of all kinds. It also comes into play in most other forms of defense, as in denial, in which individuals avoid unpleasant realities by first repressing them and then negating them.
TWOs are inclined to repress their own needs and preferences so their ego can be less distracted in focusing on the needs of others. This maintains their reputation as a good helper and trusted advisor and facilitates their acceptance into the club.
Repression, then, is the unconscious pushing down of any thoughts, feelings, behaviors, judgments, etc. that the ego deems unworthy of our or anyone else’s’ attention. These despicable intrusions are dangerous to our survival and belonging and are not congruent with our current self-image. They make us anxious and so we avoid them and stay away from them (negative reinforcement again). Away with you! Get thee to the basement where you won’t be seen or heard from again. Or, if you do raise a stink, we’ll have to remove you from the basement and put you in any convenient garbage bins. (That would be us.) But now we’re talking about projection. See Style Six.
Ken Wilber writes about repression in the context of growth which involves identifying with the self at its current stage, then disidentifying with that self, then transcending that self and identifying with the more evolved self. But the trick is to transcend and include. Don’t leave that former self behind. Rather include it in our new formulation of ourself. Otherwise, by repressing that former self, we exclude instead of include. Which, unfortunately doesn’t work because those parts are still around and want to be kept in the family. They don’t want to be orphans.
So, can we use repression in the service of the self? How about suppression which involves actively and deliberately (vs unconsciously) putting an anxiety-provoking or self-defeating thought out of one’s mind. For example, if we want to accomplish something and self-doubts, feelings of inadequacy, messages from our first-grade teacher that we’ll never amount to anything, etc., arise, we can thank them for their past service but they’re not helpful nor needed right now and put them back on the shelf of bad ideas. We’re now deliberately screening out distracting, show-stopping thoughts in order to get on with business. This is done with awareness not out of awareness.
Or, if we want to be open-minded, we might need to recognize and then suppress our culturally conditioned biases and stereotypes so we can be present to who and what is actually in front of us. Paradoxically, suppression helps us expand vs contract.
Style THREE – Identification
Identification is the process of associating the self closely with other individuals and their characteristics or views. This process takes many forms: The infant feels part of his or her mother; the child gradually adopts the attitudes, standards, and personality traits of the parents; the adolescent takes on the characteristics of the peer group; the adult identifies with a particular profession of political party. Identification operates largely on an unconscious or semiconscious level.
Freud introduced the process of identification in his Oedipal stage of development wherein we want to get rid of the same sex parent so we can have the opposite sex parent all to ourselves. Seems like a good idea until we realize that the opposite sex parent has been around longer than us and is more powerful and better equipped than we are. So, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Be like them. The young boy identifies with the values of his father and the young girl identifies with and models herself after her mother.
THREEs use identification to become whatever is popular and working in their culture. While that’s a successful way to get ahead, get affirmation, and belong, it also can put too much attention on image and personality and less consideration on self-identity and person. We may gain a popular persona but lose ourself in the process.
Eric Fromm writes about the “marketing personality.” Like the handbag, we’re on the market and we have to keep updating and adjusting ourself to accommodate what is in demand. It partially works but now our self-worth is dependent on figuring out and shape-shifting to what the market is buying. Our value is dependent on others’ whims. I am who you want me to be. That’s anxiety producing.
Is there anything good about identification? Can we use it in the service of the self? Albert Bandura’s theory of observational learning comes to mind. Children (and adults) tend to model themselves on those around them, reminiscent of Freud’s notion of identification. That’s why our parents were concerned about who we were hanging out with. Were our friends a good influence or were they leading us straight to jail or hell – whichever came first.
Tony Robbins and NLP also talk about modeling. Want to be a billionaire? Study very carefully every thought, feeling, analysis, choice, philosophy, etc. of Warren Buffet. Copy what he does, become like him and we, too can become a billionaire. Now, we might leave ourself behind in the process, but we will be very wealthy
Short of losing ourself, how about if we just want to be more assertive or loving or studious or dexterous? Do we know someone who does this well without any collateral damage? Can they negotiate for what they want without destroying the world? Can we practice their golf stroke or piano technique to become a better player ourself?
Who are our heroes and heroines? And how can we incorporate their attitudes and skills into our own life in our own way? We all have models (like our healthy parents) and imitating them, loosely not slavishly, is a productive form of identification. The “productive person”, by the way, is Eric Fromm’s model of the healthy person – someone who can love and work. Freud said the same thing.
Style FOUR – Introjection
Introjection is a process in which an individual unconsciously incorporates aspects of reality external to himself or herself into the self, particularly the attitudes, values, and qualities of another person or a part of another person’s personality. Introjection may occur, for example, in the mourning process for a loved one. In psychoanalytic theory, introjection is the process of internalizing the qualities of an external object into the psyche in the form of an internal object or mental representation which then has an influence on behavior. This process is posited to be a normal part of development, as when introjection of parental values and attitudes forms the superego, but may also be used as a defense mechanism in situations that arouse anxiety.
Freud wrote about “Mourning and Melancholy.” If we don’t grieve for the lost person or object or dream and let them go, then we introject, take in, that lost person, object, or hope and carry them around with us in a state of mourning and unresolved grief. Melancholy is a mood familiar to FOURs. A sweet sadness about the state of affairs. FOURs need to deal with their unfinished business through grieving so they can be present to new connections in the here and now and let go of their longing and nostalgia. Easier said than done. What addict wants to give up their drinking and smoking? Melancholy is a constant companion, a background feeling that, in its absence, would leave FOURs feeling empty.
Besides taking in the values, attitudes, beliefs, and assumptions of our parents, society, culture, religion, et.al., is there anything else good about introjection?
It can lead to understanding and empathy. If we can take in, introject, welcome the other person without identifying and merging with them, we can know and feel what’s going on in them. That’s what therapists, parents, friends, lovers, FOURs are good at. We can resonate with the other while remembering that we, as a tuning fork, are not the same as the oboe making that sound. Our self can do this consciously and lovingly for the benefit of the other self.
Artistic sublimation is another defense mechanism that Claudio Naranjo attributed to FOURs. It can be a way of exaggerating what’s going on. Mere words are not enough to express the profundity of the FOURs’ experience. Only a poem, a sculpture, a song, a dance, some dramatic expression will do.
On the other hand, when not used to amplify the ego, artistic expression is the source of great works of art, music, dance, literature, etc. that reflect what it’s like to be a human being. And we are all the richer for that.
Style FIVE – Compartmentalization and Isolation
Compartmentalization is the defense mechanism in which thoughts and feelings that seem to conflict or to be incompatible are isolated from each other in separate and apparently impermeable psychic compartments. In the classical psychoanalytic tradition, compartmentalization produces fragmentation of the ego, which ideally should be able to tolerate ambiguity and ambivalence.
FIVEs talk about compartmentalizing their relationships. Colleagues at work may not know their family. College friends may not know their high school friends, etc.
Also, if we compartmentalize parts of our life, we may not be able to go back and re-examine or re-experience those parts. Thus, Naranjo says FIVEs don’t do well in psychoanalysis because they are unwilling or unable to reconnect with their past. Or, as someone I know said: “I had an unhappy childhood. Why would I want to go back there and talk about it?” Good point.
I wonder how ministers can officiate at a church service and then abuse altar boys and girls in the sacristy. Seems like compartmentalization at work.
Isolation is the condition of being separated from other individuals. In psychoanalytic theory, it is a defense mechanism that relies on keeping unwelcome thoughts and feelings from forming associative links with other thoughts and feelings, with the result that the unwelcome thought is rarely activated. The isolation of affect is a defense mechanism in which the individual screens out painful feelings by recalling a traumatic event without experiencing the emotion associated with it.
Normally when we have an experience, we have a thought and a feeling about it. Isolation involves pushing the feeling down and only being aware of the thought. That’s why when you ask a FIVE what they are feeling, they tell you what they are thinking. If the defense works, they aren’t feeling anything. Afterwards, when they are safe in their solitude, FIVEs might allow the feeling to surface.
In a stressful situation (and aren’t they all), we repress the feeling so we can think and act to help us survive and get the hell out of there.
For most people their feelings are close to the surface. Like, the water is right at the top of the well and they can touch it and say I’m feeling anxious, loving, angry, sad, etc. For FIVEs, the water is at the bottom of the well and they need to drop a stone down and wait for feedback to come back up. This may take a few minutes, hours, days, whatever. So, when you ask a FIVE what they are feeling, be prepared to wait.
Is there anything good about compartmentalization and isolation? When consciously employed, they can be ways of establishing useful boundaries. They might enable us to not bring work home or family to work. They create a little distance between us and the pain of our students, clients, friends, relatives, et.al. In order to be useful, our observing ego might need to step back so as not to become a merging ego. If we over-identify with the other, we may become as stuck as they are and not be able to offer any objective opinions and options.
Compartmentalization and isolation, then, can help us be present to what and who is in front of us. Surgeons, therapists, teachers, parents may need to box out differing thoughts, feelings, and people so as not to confuse them with the patient, client, child right before them.
Also, if we’re in a plane crash, it’s probably best not to focus on how afraid, angry, disappointed and sad we are until after we remember where the exits are and get clear of the danger. Then we can let those feelings come up. Evolution and our ego, after all, have come up with a few good strategies.
Style SIX – Projection
Projection is the process by which one attributes one’s own individual positive or negative characteristics, affects, and impulses to another person or group. This is often a defense mechanism in which unpleasant or unacceptable impulses, stressors, ideas, affects, or responsibilities are attributed to others. For example, the defense mechanism of projection enables a person conflicted over expressing anger to change “I hate him” to “He hates me.” Such defensive patterns are often used to justify prejudice or evade responsibility; in more severe cases, they may develop into paranoid delusions in which, for example, an individual who blames others for his or her problems may come to believe that others are plotting against him or her.
It’s also good to remember that just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that others aren’t out to get you. And if you think others are talking behind your back, they eventually will start talking behind your back.
As a further reminder, we all use projection so SIXs don’t have a corner on the projection market. It’s just that it’s congenial to a self-doubting suspicious mind-set. So, for example, if you are fearful that others are critical of you, it might be that you have projected your own harsh superego onto others, thus forgetting that you are really the one that is judging you.
Projection (putting outside of ourselves characteristics that belong inside our boundaries) is the opposite of introjection (putting inside our boundaries parts that properly belong outside of ourselves.)
So how can projection be used in the service of the self instead of protecting our ego? As AA says, “If you spot it, you got it.” If we follow our line of projection, we can bring back parts of ourselves that we’ve thrown or given away. That makes us more whole.
Just as we project away those parts of ourself we don’t like, so can we toss out our inner resources only to find them in others. We wouldn’t be able to recognize someone’s kindness, assertiveness, integrity, thoughtfulness, etc. if we didn’t have something like that inside ourself. Budha nature recognizes Budha nature.
Regrettably, we might also have to reclaim those attributes of others that drive us round the bend. If we bring those parts back in, we now have control over them and can modify their expression. Or we might uncover the hidden gold that’s been overlaid with the dross we’ve discarded. Reframe it. “I’m not mean. I’m laser-like in my perception.” If we clean up our act, we’ll have more players on our team.
Style SEVEN – Sublimation
In psychoanalytic theory, sublimation is a defense mechanism in which unacceptable sexual or aggressive drives are unconsciously channeled into socially acceptable modes of expression. Thus, the unacceptable drives and energies are redirected into new, learned behaviors, which indirectly provide some satisfaction for the original instincts. For example, an exhibitionistic impulse may gain a new outlet in choreography; a voyeuristic urge may lead to scientific research; and a dangerously aggressive drive may be expressed with impunity on the football field. As well as allowing for substitute satisfactions, such outlets are posited to protect individuals from the anxiety induced by the original drive.
That description of sublimation reads like it may have been written by a SEVEN. Sublimation lifts up our instincts and impulses for the service of society vs the ruin of society. Some, if not all, contributions to the enhancement of culture are compliments of sublimation. Even Freud found some merit in sublimation. And it is one of the defenses that least distorts reality. Paranoia, on the other hand, really skews it.
Sweet lemon would be a slight-of-hand that comes easy to SEVENs. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. “Not getting that job I wanted is good for my humility.” Find the good in everything. For example, I recently returned from a visit to the Southwest where the sun shines and the sky is blue 363 days of the year. I was there, of course, on the 364th day when it was cloudy and rainy. Our guide reassured us how fortunate we were not to be there on some boring sunny day. Rather, we might now see some waterfalls and interesting cloud formations. Actually, the following day there was a landslide that blocked the road but, lamentably, I wasn’t there to hear the reframe of that.
What’s good about sublimation? It’s positive, optimistic, hopeful, uplifting, proactive, encourages moving forward, etc. What’s not to like?
Style EIGHT – Denial
Denial is the defense mechanism in which unpleasant thoughts, feelings, wishes, or events are ignored or excluded from conscious awareness. It may take such forms as refusal to acknowledge the reality of a terminal illness, a financial problem, an addiction, or a partner’s infidelity. Denial is an unconscious process that functions to resolve emotional conflict or reduce anxiety. It is also called disavowal.
Denial would be one of those defense mechanisms that substantially distort reality. Whatever it is that we don’t like, we don’t see it, hear it, feel it, etc. EIGHTs don’t especially like weakness so they deny it in themselves and then sense it in others. They don’t like it there, either, finding a victim-mentality particularly distasteful. On the upside, if they perceive others as weak, they can scare and exploit them more easily.
Like all defense mechanisms, denial has collateral damage. It can hurt others and ourself. I had a great aunt who refused to acknowledge she had cancer which she died of because she never had it treated. I know someone else who has had foot, hip, shoulder, and surgery on most other of his moving parts because he pushed himself too far athletically and didn’t listen to his body when it said “Stop it!”
Is denial ever good, then? I suppose if we really need to accomplish something, get something done, or escape some threatening situation (like get out of that crashed car or crashed marriage or crashed career choice), we have to deny temporarily our physical and psychological discomfort. Separation is painful whether it be cutting off parts of ourself, our dreams, our relationships, etc. But to move on, we might have to consciously debunk the pain that is involved.
Denial could also be deployed when maladaptive thoughts are around. When we’re telling ourself we’re incompetent, stupid, ugly, a loser, ad infinitum, denial says: “That’s not true!” Banish those thoughts just like you might deny you have a drinking problem. Only now the defense is in the service of reality not wishful thinking.
Style NINE – Narcoticization
This defense is not found in the APA Dictionary of Psychology. It was introduced by Claudio Naranjo in his book Character and Neurosis (Gateways/IDHHB Publishers, 1994.) Here is what he writes about it. “When I first presented my views on the correspondence between character structure and dominant defense mechanisms, I did not find a fully appropriate term for the characteristic way in which the ennea-type IX person distracts herself from inner experiences through attention to the outer world. The most appropriate I found and that which I adopted was Karen Horney’s word narcoticization – for her meaning is not only a loss of awareness but, more precisely, a putting oneself asleep: through an immersion in work or in stimuli such as TV or reading the papers.” (p. 259)
Naranjo refers to this as psychological inertia. “Not wanting to see, not wanting to be in touch with one’s experience is something akin to cognitive laziness, an eclipse of the experience or inner witnessing in the person. (p. 255)
Externalization is another defense mechanism categorized by Karen Horney. She describes externalization as the technique by which individuals shift their center of gravity from the self to others. It involves a shift outward to others not only of unacceptable feelings, but of all feelings, all emotions. Other people become the center of the person’s emotional life. These external individuals become the nucleus of all important strivings that would normally be directed to and experienced by the self. One focuses not on what one thinks or feels but, on the thoughts, and feelings of others.
Confluence is another way to conceptualize this. Think of two rivers running together so it becomes impossible to tell which river is which. NINEs can so blend and merge with others that it becomes difficult to tell which person is doing the thinking and feeling. In running away from themselves, they can lose themselves in the other. Discrimination is the antidote to confluence. It creates boundaries. “I’m feeling this and you’re feeling that.”
So what’s good about narcoticization? Let’s put it in the service of the self and not in the maintenance of the ego. Let’s wake it up and call it self-soothing, a way of calming and gentling one’s upset self. It’s somewhere between stirring up the waters and eliminating the waters all together. When SIXs, or any of us for that matter, access our inner NINE, a little self-soothing sedates our jangled nerves. “It’s OK. You’re OK. All will be well.”
And what’s good about externalization? When used in the service of others and oneself it is the basis of empathy. In the manner of NINEs, we can put ourselves in others’ moccasins, walk with them, and appreciate what they are thinking and feeling. In this walking together, both remain present vs one disappearing into the other. While the boundaries are permeable, there are still boundaries.
SUMMARY
In sum, defense mechanisms in the service of the ego maintain it; defense mechanisms in the service of the self actualize it.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/najil1z3elk.jpg10671600Jerry Wagnerhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgJerry Wagner2024-07-10 00:00:032024-07-10 08:54:30Enneagram Styles and Defense Mechanisms
Evolutionarily speaking, the nine Enneagram styles may have been around for a long time. What has helped each survive and thrive for 50000+ years? Since we are the inheriting beneficiaries of their characteristics, we, too, have access to their resiliencies. And, presuming human nature contains all that is human within it, what makes each style resilient so we can profit from all of them?
STRESS
Stress is a challenge to our resilience. Is there such a thing as good stress and bad stress or inevitable suffering and unnecessary suffering? Some stress and suffering come from being alive and some we bring on ourselves.
How does stress effect each Enneagram style? What’s good stress for each style? (Like the late Congressman John Lewis’s notion of “good trouble”.) And how does each style create their own distress? What’s the natural resilience of each style? And how does overdoing a good thing (eustress) bring about a bad thing (distress)?
EUSTRESS
Somewhere in every introductory psychology textbook is a chart that looks like a bell curve or a Volkswagen Beetle that shows an optimal level of functioning and arousal at the top of the bell curve. To function at our best, we need a little stimulation, excitement, anxiety to get us up for the game.
DISTRESS
If we are feeling too confident or relaxed, we don’t exert enough effort to function optimally to win the game or at least play well. On the left side at the bottom of the beginning of the curve lies sleep. This is where my undergraduate students dwelled. If there is not enough stimulation or if we are bored, we fall asleep. Unless we do something to wake up and get excited. Fidget, check the latest sales on Google, pull the hair of the person in front of us. (No, wait, that was grade school.)
If we get too excited (like when I talk about the Enneagram) or overly anxious (like our scholarship depends on passing this test or our opponent just won their last 127 games), this extra energy interferes with our optimal functioning and we flub the fingering of that Bach cantata or hit the ball into the net or, in my case, into another fairway. At the bottom on the right side or downside of that bell curve lies a panic attack, the end result of too much anxiety.
A little excitement and nervousness promote optimal functioning; too much stimulation leads to shutting down, tuning out, and falling asleep or ramping up, spinning out, and shooting energy in all directions, like a Van de Graaff generator.
So, what does each Enneagram style do to reach optimal functioning? How does just the right amount of stress become eustress? What characteristics make each style resilient? And how does each style overdo their strategies to create distress? Like the three little pigs, you want your porridge not too cold, not too hot, but just right. Which brings us to the ONES.
ENNEAGRAM STYLES
ONE
What gets ONES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
ONES get up for the game by wanting to perform really well. They want to do all they can to make a really good product – whether it be a good term paper, a good chicken fricassee, a good relationship with their spouse and children – anything they are engaged in. They have a passion for excellence and feel good when they have done something exceptionally well. Excellence is its own reward and is eustress at its best.
ONES’ resilience comes from their desire to be all they can be and do what they are doing impeccably. They are naturally persistent, conscientious, responsible, intense (like a laser, not a forest fire.)
ONES’ idealism is a source of their resilience. They have the vision and drive to make the world a better place. Their inner sense of rightness propels them to act and no obstacle is going to stand between them and their mission. They might be deterred but not defeated. They are willing to sacrifice for their ideals and they get a sense of satisfaction in doing the right thing. They appreciate order, the proper way of proceeding. Conviction, conscientiousness, clarity aid them, and us, in their journey.
These are words ONES use to describe their resilience:
While these qualities come somewhat naturally to ONES, we are all capable of acquiring and using them.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the right thing to do? What does integrity require?
So, what’s the ONES’ version of turning good news into bad news? Doing too much of a good thing. Want to distress yourself? Tell yourself you HAVEto be perfect and do everything impeccably. If you want to be loved and accepted, you have to be right and you can’t make mistakes. Who says so? The ONES. Or their ONE parents, teachers, church, culture, etc. Being a good person leads to optimal functioning. Being a perfect person leads to why bother trying or dying trying. Neither bring about particularly good results. I like the English essayist G.K. Chesterton said: “Anything worth doing is worth doing half well.” Not a good clarinet player? No matter. Making music is a good thing. Either Chesterton was not a ONE or was a reformed ONE.
ONES bring on themselves distress and unnecessary suffering by trying to be perfect. Too many “shoulds” make their blood pressure and resentment rise. They need to find that happy point between not trying and trying too hard. “I’m doing the best I can with what I have available right now.” See the 12-step prayer for wisdom.
TWO
What gets TWOS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
TWOS say they enjoy giving and loving and being helpful. It’s something that flows naturally from their nature. They are attuned, both innately and through practice, to other’s feelings and needs. And they generously respond to others’ requirements. Giving is their version of a “flow” state. It’s almost like they cannot not help. It comes easily and naturally and is intrinsically reinforcing. Getting appreciation is a nice bonus, but not required.
Seeking out connections and relationships contributes to their own as well as others’ well-being. Forming community fosters their resilience. Their optimism and prosocial nature help them survive and thrive by giving them meaning and purpose, and ferrying them through life in the company of others.
Empathic attunement is a key to surviving and thriving. Love, nurturing, care keep us all going. Isolation leads to death; relating leads to life. TWOS see the best in people and care about them. Love is a powerful source of both their resiliency and authority.
Here’s a quote from a TWO:
Whenever I was devastated, degraded, and deprived, I relied on my ability to LOVE. Love kept me going (my wing THREE). Love kept me from being overwhelmed by feelings of revenge and hatred (resisting the EIGHT arrow). Love gave me faith and hope for the future. Love for myself kept me alive. Love of God kept me grounded in doing what’s right (right wing ONE). Love gave me creative ideas for maintaining relationships (my FOUR arrow). At the same time my healthy gut EIGHT gave me the energy to draw strong boundaries for my own self-respect.
These are words TWOS use to describe their resilience:
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the loving thing to do? What does love require?
And how do TWOS invite distress into their lives? By doing too much of the above. Their helping becomes something they HAVE to do to gain approval and avoid rejection. They erringly believe their worth comes more from giving themselves than simply being themselves. To get their needs met, they have to meet everyone else’s needs first. And since, according to the rules of their TWO paradigm, they are not allowed to ask for what they want, they have to indirectly get their needs met. We, of course, don’t catch onto what they need, since they’ve never expressed them. So, they get resentful. And that’s stressful.
So, how do they reduce this brought-on distress? Acknowledge and express their needs. It won’t kill us or them and it surprisingly makes them even more lovable. Who would’ve thought?
THREE
What gets THREES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
THREES get energy and satisfaction from getting things accomplished. A good day for THREES is when they got a lot done. They like progress. They like to win. A particularly irascible famous tennis player said it wasn’t so much winning that he liked; he hated losing. They enjoy promoting their products and rallying their team.
They value movement. “Motion is the lotion,” as my physician likes to say. When an obstacle presents itself, keep moving. Go around it, over it, under it, through it. But don’t let it stop you from getting to your goal. Perhaps THREES were the original peripatetic philosophers. They thought best while walking.
Pushing, challenging, competing get their energy up. Like the “little engine that could,” they believe they can do it. And like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, THREES don’t stay down for the count very long. Failures are just learning experiences for what doesn’t work. Try something else. Don’t give up. This “go get ‘em” attitude keeps THREES and us going. Their confidence, competence, and enthusiasm carry us along.
These are the words THREES use in describing their resilience:
Efficient – competent — get things done – don’t waste time – detail – network – motivated by challenges – optimistic – high expectations – self-motivated – friendly – outgoing – positive – enthusiastic – energy – confidence – can do – multi task – industrious – focused – persevering – order – engage – proactive – keep moving – start stuff – organized – adaptable –- self-driven – energetic – dynamic – efficient – pragmatic – ambitious – productive.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the most productive and effective thing to do? What will get results?
How do THREES distress themselves and bring on unnecessary suffering? They push themselves too much, straining their emotional and physical muscles. The body wears out and the psyche gets depressed. Instead of bringing us along with them, they run over us or drag us along. So, they are either out there ahead alone or they are running with logs (us) tied to their legs.
They manufacture the wrong idea that they MUST succeed in order to be admired and be sent to the head of the class or the corner office verses relegated to the back row or the cubicle. They confuse being effective with being a workaholic. Burning out is the THREES’ version of the Phoenix. Fortunately, as we saw, they frequently rise from the ashes of bankruptcy, divorce, lost tournaments, etc.
When we’re in a “flow” state, our actions flow effortlessly. When we’re rushing instead of flowing, we miss the present. As the proverb advises: “Slow down and smell the roses.” Which brings us to beauty and the FOURS.
FOUR
What gets FOURS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
FOURS function well in the sea of feelings and imagination. Their feelings give them energy; their imagination gives them hope and direction. FOURS remind us that creativity is very healing and life-giving, as is beauty. We can only take so much ugliness before we get sick to our stomach and soul. A forest cleansing refreshes the spirit.
FOURS are sensitive to suffering – their own and others – which helps them process it and find meaning in it, which is a source of resiliency in FOURS. It addresses those four givens that existentialists talk about: death, responsibility, isolation, meaninglessness. Subjects that most of us would prefer to avoid. But FOURS invite us to the depths of our existence. While we might say: “No thanks;” they say: “Don’t be afraid of the dark. Make friends with your shadow. There’s a lot of good stuff there.”
FOURS recognize the value of suffering. Their long-suffering helps them endure and deepen. They find meaning and significance in sorrow. They can take in suffering and turn it into a “creative malady.” Through mastering their struggle, they can guide us through ours. Their suffering doesn’t have to turn them in on themselves but can lead them to being “wounded healers.”
They have an inner power of emotion and connection. FOURS can expand to take in the breadth and depth of feelings. This capacity draws others to them and connects them to the mainland. Their ongoing search for meaning and authenticity enriches all of our lives. Their spirituality gives them a longing to get through the dark to get to the light.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What would our authentic self do? How can we bring beauty to bear here?
These are the words FOURS use in describing their resilience:
So how do FOURS bring on distress and unnecessary suffering vs. the “necessary losses” that come with existence? They spend too much time in the shadows and not enough time in the light. Their melancholy or sweet sadness descends into depression and they tire of life. Their suffering makes them special and appears in their subtypes when they become long-suffering, or wear their suffering on their sleeves, or make us suffer for all we’ve done to them.
They get the wrong idea that there is something wrong with them and they are missing something. Their ego misses what is there. They might salubriously repeat the mantra: “Right now, I have everything I need to be perfectly happy.” No need to be depressed or enviously look around at others’ good fortune. You already have what you are longing for. Recall Dorothy, the scarecrow, tin man, and cowardly lion. They were already home, had a brain, a heart, and guts. All three centers bring us home. Can’t beat it.
FIVE
What gets FIVES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
FIVES function well in the land of concepts. Thinking turns them on. Their passions are of the mind. This may sound pathetic unless you’re a FIVE. A little analysis, a little connecting the dots, a little seeing how this situation fits in with the big picture, a little research into the best product for the best price – all these get FIVES excited and up for the game. FIVES love to learn.
Their ability to detach, stand back (but not stand down), be objective, let their inner observer notice what’s going on are all sources of resilience for FIVES. In Karen Horney’s theory, in the circumstances we find ourselves in we all need to move towards in cooperation, move against in assertion, and move away from in detachment. FIVES got the moving away from down; EIGHTS specialize in moving against; while TWOS are really good at moving towards.
FIVES are good listeners and are perceptive. Then they need to act on what they hear and see. When they let themselves experience, they learn good judgment from their experience. And experience comes from bad judgment. We learn from our mistakes. Hence the gift of the FIVE: wisdom.
By showing us how to use it, FIVES remind us that we all have an “inner observer,” an internal “fair witness.” FIVES can step back to unattach and observe. This freedom allows them to make wise decisions. From an objective distance, they can get the whole picture and then contribute to, challenge, or step away from the scene. Looking before leaping doesn’t mean not acting. It means mindful acting. Prudence, being guided by reason, can be effective, not boring.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What would our wise self say about this? What is the reasonable thing to do?
FIVES’ resilience shows up as an ability to weather difficult and intense emotions through distancing and objectivity; through perspective-taking to see all sides of a situation before reacting; through creating and maintaining boundaries in various settings; by persevering, especially when learning something new (e.g. meditation techniques, coding, etc.); by being self-reliant; and not taking things so personally.
These are the words FIVES use in describing their resilience:
Logical problem solving – analysis – connect dots – science – non-attachment – inventors – innovation – detachment – objective – perspective – observant – clarity – figure it out – flexibility in models – curiosity – critical thinking – perceptive – innovative — observant – logical – knowledgeable – reasonable – analytical –self-reliant –detached – now what – don’t look back
So, how do FIVES distress themselves? They think too much and may experience analysis paralysis. Sometimes “the heart has reasons that reason knows not of.” Thank you, Blasé Pascal. And sometimes the body knows and “keeps the score.” Thank you, Bessel Van Der Kolk. Sometimes FIVES need to cede their head’s pride of place to their heart or gut. Or, keep all three; IQ, EQ, and SQ. Thank you, George Gurdjieff.
Backing into their cave and refusing to come out leads to unnecessary suffering for FIVES. It gets cold, sparse, and boring in the castle. FIVES fear being deprived. But who’s doing the depriving? If FIVES believe the world is withholding, they offer their own withholding in return.
In addition, their loner stance leads to not speaking up, not saying what they want or don’t want, and not asking for help — all of which bring about more trouble and suffering than they would have us believe.
SIX
What gets SIXES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
The good and the bad news for SIXES is their fear and anxiety get them up for the game. Too little energy and they fall asleep like NINES; too much anxiety and they tremble and doubt like, well, SIXES; just the right amount of stimulation and they function really well like THREES.
A modicum of worst-case scenario thinking leads to trouble shooting, problem solving, being prepared, and coming up with Plans A through Z. Mother Nature has built in an alarm system in the amygdala to help us survive so we can thrive. When the alarm is stuck on red alert, SIXES spend a lot of energy on mythical monsters. They are good at scaring themselves. Their natural safety features malfunction or over-function and become debilitating rather than life-saving.
Mother nature has also figured out that we survive and thrive best when we are with others. SIXES are good groupies. They contribute their skills to the group (like, hey Zebras, there’s a lion over there) and the group in turn shares its wisdom with SIXES through culture. Pretty good exchange.
Speaking of being prudent, being cautious is not a bad way to stay alive. SIXES have been around for a long time because they’re careful. Their skepticism keeps them, and us, from being misled. Considering the pitfalls of any given action and devising strategies to deal with those eventualities, SIXES make good trouble-shooters. Not only do they look before they leap, they have contingency plans for what might happen after they leap. SIXES also value the law. It keeps us all safe and operating within the limits of healthy functioning. If we take in too much sugar, salt, alcohol (or too much of anything), if we experience too much injustice, ugliness, abuse, lifelessness, we get physically and psychically sick. SIXES are careful about deficiencies and excesses. They keep us all alive and growing.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the safest choice in this situation? What is the prudent thing to do?
Here is a quote from a SIX:
I am Type 6, 75 y/o and still a spiritual seeker. After decades of trying just about everything else unsuccessfully, I have found resilience in the motto, “to let go and let God.” The journey on this side of things is a trust walk. Do you place that trust in your own abilities or entrust your life to God’s divine mercy and infinite wisdom? It is very difficult to give up (our illusion of) power and control as we struggle for safety and security in our lives. Even though I am now in my 8th decade on good ol’ terra firma, I still struggle with this. I have found that the more we/ I leave outcomes in God’s hands, the more I trust Him, the less I rely on myself, the less I worry and the more resilience I have when the outcome is not what I hoped or expected. When that happens, I find great comfort in knowing that I am part of a much larger whole, that we are all in this together and this is all headed (by a very circuitous route) somewhere good. I have no idea how we are getting there; I just know that we are. In hindsight I can sometimes see how my action contributed to the success of something much larger than myself. As the Apostle Paul said in Roman’s 8:28, “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.” I really hang my hat on that one.
These are the words SIXES use in describing their resilience:
Security from relationships — fear and threat forecasting– fear goes to confidence – engaging—responsible –reliable – prepared – dutiful – sensible – loyal – trustworthy – faithful –truth seeking – structure – committed – persevering – focused – stable – good in crisis – planning – vigilant – questioning – organized – hard workers – caution – problem solvers – courageous – details – contingency plans – values – tradition – early warning – rules
Like the rest of us, SIXES bring on distress when they engage in too much of a good thing. They often see danger where there isn’t any. They get a lot of false positives. That is, they leave the building in the middle of the night when there isn’t a fire. On the other hand, staying in the building when there is a fire (a false negative), isn’t a great idea, either.
Being alert to hidden intentions or creatures lurking in the bushes is beneficial. Being paranoid paradoxically leaves one isolated, which Mother Nature discovered was not a good defense.
While a little self-doubt saves one from the downfall of the proud and over-confident, too much doubt leads to not trusting oneself or others. Goodbye self-efficacy; hello over-reliance on or suspicion of outer authorities.
Erik Erikson said trust and mistrust were skills to be learned in the first stage of our development. Too much trust and we are Pollyannas; too much distrust and we are paranoids. Just the right amount of both and we are perfect. But we’ve already talked about the ONES. What about the Pollyannas?
SEVEN
What gets SEVENS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
SEVENS are blessed with an optimistic, sunny, enthusiastic, curious, creative nature. What’s not to like? All of this leads to the “Unsinkable Molly Brown.” SEVENS just keep coming back for more. We’ll see that this is not an unmixed blessing. But the optimum amount of optimistic good cheer makes SEVENS very resilient. It’s hard to keep a helium balloon under water.
SEVENS have the ability to soar above or ahead of troubles. Their facility to plan for future fun-filled possibilities gets them moving forward. In their worldview, the world is their oyster, filled with adventure and all good things. This is a definite improvement over other world-views that the universe is critical, selfish, chaotic, abandoning, withholding, dangerous, hostile, and uncaring. As SEVENS say: “Who wouldn’t want to be a SEVEN?”
Optimism is a powerful prophylactic. A positive mindset helps us see options and gives us the hope to pursue those options. SEVENS’ buoyancy keeps them afloat and moving forward. While the brain is said to be Velcro for negative experiences (we remember the bad things) and Teflon for positive experiences (we forget the good things), SEVENS accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Positive thinking can lead to effective action while negative thinking can stop the show. Being positive doesn’t have to be pollyannish. Hoping for the best provides the energy to go for it.
Abraham Maslow wrote about the “Farther Reaches of Human Nature.” SEVENS are exploring that. And we all have that adventuresome spirit.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the most heuristic option?What leads to the most choices? (If we have one choice, we are stuck; if we have two choices, we have a dilemma; if we have three choices, we have an option.)
Here is a quote from a SEVEN:
I think for me resilience comes in that positive attitude, I cannot stay down for too long, I will quickly get up and identify what is good, fun, and positive about what is happening AND then joke about it!
Rationalizing also comes in handy, reframing the experience and seeing it from a different perspective.
Maybe the 8w also helps, being able to take a lot on, that “I can take it” attitude and that nothing is too much, until then of course it is and I am forced to reach out for help, or distraction. And with a 7s extended network it comes easily.
In thinking about it more I think resilience for me is more going into the 5, focusing, staying with what is AND THEN using the positive attitude to get up again. When something happens and I get up too quickly then it leaves an aftertaste. But when something happens, and I stay with it, even if for just a while, look around me, just pause, retreat a bit AND THEN pick myself up, then it feels complete. No aftertaste.
And one other thoughtful reflection:
Now for resilience. My Style 7 patterns lead me to be positive and to look on the bright side when coping with difficulties and troubles. I realize that this is a result of using my defense mechanism of reframing in order to be okay. By appearing buoyant, I look to the future and try to move on. However, buoyancy can mean that I remain on the surface and only process issues at a superficial level. It’s a way of escaping from suffering, although only temporarily. By not acknowledging the pain, which comes with loss or disappointment, I allow it to remain beneath the surface ready to re-emerge at a later date. Style 7 may seem to be one of the more resilientof the 9 Enneagram styles but our resiliencemay not stand the test of time if we have not put in the necessary and sober work to provide it with a strong foundation!
These are the words SEVENS use in describing their resilience:
How do SEVENS bring on stress and unnecessary suffering? They try too hard to stay up and avoid getting down. Once depressed, always depressed they fear. So, look up and look ahead. But their FOMO, fear of missing out, ironically leads them to missing out on some good things. They don’t believe anything useful can come from the “Winter of Our Discontent.” Things do grow in the cold and the dark; suffering can be redemptive; desolation can be as beneficial as consolation. That’s all pretty much of a stretch for SEVENS. Try it. You may not like it. But it might be good for you.
By spending too much time in the future, SEVENS don’t savor the present which is the only real time. They believe that when they get there, they’ll be happy. Actually, it’s when they get here that they’ll be happy and fulfilled. Their future-focused fantasies pull them out of the nourishing satisfying experiences in the present.
EIGHT
What gets EIGHTS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
EIGHTS are said to have the most energy of all the Enneagram types. They are naturally robust, vital, confident, and decisive. They believe in “carpe diem.” Take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. “Strike while the iron is hot,” especially useful for blacksmiths. Obstacles are challenges, not show-stoppers. An initial “no” is just the opening gambit to “getting to yes.” They take pride in being independent, autonomous, their own person. As Fritz Perls pronounced: they’re not here to live up to our expectations; they do their thing; we do our thing.
They are not overburdened by unnecessary guilt. They have a winner, come out on top mentality that makes them very resilient. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” (Or, get shopping – but that’s the previous type.)
With their positive outlook, magnanimous heart, and storehouse of energy, EIGHTS are equipped to survive and thrive.
EIGHTS have a sense of confidence and competence. Their motto is: “I can do it.” As the saying goes: “Success comes in cans; failure comes in cants.” This “can do” spirit keeps them going in the face of adversity and occasional defeat. They are not afraid of their own power and are not afraid to use it. Nor do they seem especially intimidated by anyone else’s power. Getting big is one way to survive just as getting small and disappearing is another way to survive. We all have an expansive capacity in us as well as the ability to shrink. When we need to, we can get solid, strong, and upstanding. The EIGHTS’ sense of justice also impels them which helps them thrive and others survive.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the just thing to do?How much force do I need to bring to bear to move this situation forward?
These are words EIGHTS use to describe their resilience:
Will do attitude and energy — resolve and intensity — inner core of strength — full steam ahead — guardedness — this will not happen again — there’s always a way out vs powerless — energy –anger — justice – make decisions – strength – problem solver – doers – enthusiastic – bold – courage – risk taker – confidence – BIG – direct – zeal – force – will – can do – strategic – decisive – vision – passion – long hall – courage – loyal – initiative – zest – intense– self-confidant — decisive – assertive – direct — self-determined — big-hearted – loyal – dealing with a situation here and now – going full out – denying fatigue and pain — intimidation
So, how do EIGHTS turn eustress into distress? By living with too much gusto, intensity, and independence. We are interdependent beings – not too dependent and not too independent. Again, balance. EIGHTS tend to tip the scale to independent, then find themselves unsupported. Their tough shell protects their tender innards but doesn’t let that inner self be nourished and grow.
They bring about suffering by sensing slights where there might not be any, then feeling indignant and disrespected, then getting angry, then getting feisty or getting even. Vengeance is mine, saith the EIGHT. Most of this is made up and so unnecessary. They fire up their sympathetic nervous system for a fight that may not have to happen. Fighting for the underdog is good; fighting imaginary enemies is exhausting.
NINE
What gets NINES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?
Motivation and NINES seems like an oxymoron. So, what gets them moving and unsettled? Perhaps conflict acts as a negative reinforcement. With positive reinforcement, you give someone something they want. With negative reinforcement, you remove something the person doesn’t want. Either works to increase the desired behavior.
Negative reinforcement generates an obnoxious situation that creates discomfort, pain, anxiety, etc. that we are stimulated to remove. For example, a fire alarm creates a pain in the ear which leads to leaving the building; a nagging parent creates a pain in the ear which leads to taking out the garbage or doing your homework; a tantrum-throwing two-year old creates a pain in the ear which leads to giving them an ice cream cone, toy, whatever.
Conflict makes NINES anxious and moves them to employ their best negotiating and mediating skills to reduce the conflict. Procrastination also initially lessens anxiety. Avoidance behavior shows up here. Avoid what makes you uncomfortable. But we’re talking about positive strategies here.
Staying calm, unflappable, and steady in the face of adversity contribute to the NINE’S resilience. Their adaptable nature helps them fit into their surroundings to survive and thrive. They can even adapt to inhospitable environments. We all need these strategies given the current happenings in nature and politics.
When NINES are functioning optimally, they don’t get in their own way. They go with the flow. They don’t push, reverse, drain, pollute, or otherwise disturb the river.
Promoting peace and harmony are ways that NINES found to survive and grow. Looking for ways to resolve conflict and bring opposing parties together and seeing polarities as two sides of the same coin, have enabled NINES to be around for a long time. Union works better than division, though, optimally, there can be differentiation within unity and harmony. A peaceful nature, live and let live, is a resilient nature. An attitude of acceptance, trusting the flow of the universe and going with the flow, is an effortless way of allowing the unfolding of oneself, others, and the cosmos. Really, there is only one unfolding and that unitary consciousness is what NINES realize.
When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What approach will bring about the most acceptance, peace, harmony, and integration?
Here are words that NINES use to describe their resilience:
Reconcile – mediate – calm – network – patient – allowing – content – encouraging – collegial – peace – inclusive – connect dots – facilitator – take various perspectives – harmony – accepting – open – flexible – big picture – curious – receptive — ability to see many sides of an issue –willing to be part of the collective – reassuring – fair – patient – unassuming – diplomatic – gentle – kind — down to earth — peace maker vs peace keeper — resolve conflict vs avoid conflict — ebb (9) and flow (3)
How does being calm, then, bring about distress? Well, you can burn if you don’t get out of the fiery forest or drown if you don’t get away from the flooding river. NINES might stay in a dysfunctional family or with an abusive partner much longer than is healthy for them. Doing nothing doesn’t necessarily bring about change. Leaning into their EIGHT or ONE wings might be a more proactive way to go.
Avoiding conflict doesn’t make problems go away. It just postpones them. And oftentimes the conflict is worse when you don’t deal with the situation right away. Avoiding stress at the beginning brings about distress at the end. Though, NINES do say they function efficiently an hour before the deadline is due. Perhaps this is their version of eustress or optimal level of arousal. They rouse themselves from their self-protective lethargy, get focused, get busy, and get the job done. That sounds a lot like the NINE accessing their inner THREE. The turtle turns into the hare at the finish line.
SUMMARY
Each Enneagram style has its own brand of resilience. That’s why they’re all still around. And each adaptive strategy contributes to the well being and continued being of the community. Mother Nature evolved some good instincts and styles.
The right amount of stress, excitement, and arousal lead to optimal functioning. Too much or too little energy lead to sub-optimal functioning. Eustress gets us up for the game; distress takes us out of the game.
In short, stop distressing yourself and start eustressing yourself. It’s good for all of us.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/office-meeting.jpg10671600Jerry Wagnerhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgJerry Wagner2023-07-24 07:53:042024-07-10 08:53:50Enneagram Styles: Resilience, Eustress, And Distress
In a previous article I was speculating on where each enneatype’s authority came from and I asked for feedback. I received comments from all the styles except the Eights. My speculation here is that the Eights are thinking if you don’t know where our authority comes from, there’s no use in trying to explain it to you. I’m reminded of when someone asked Louis Armstrong what was “swing”, and Louis answered: “Cat, if you don’t know what swing is, I can’t tell you.”
Anyway, I’m repeating here my original fantasies and adding what representatives of each style wrote in to say. I’ve added the bold emphasis, having nothing better to do.
ONES
I supposed ONES get their authority from being right – and they’re usually sure they’re right. There is a tremendous power in righteousness, not to be confused with self-righteousness. And I was right! The ONES said their authority comes from being in the right and being morally right.
Here’s what ONES say about their source of authority:
And, of course, you’re correct: we ONEs thrive on being right. You’re correct, too, in ascertaining that we know we’re right. As to the morally right piece–while having (mostly) overcome my upbringing in the Calvinist/Reformed strain of religiosity, I fervently hope what you’ve posited is true!
I don’t define my source of power as being right, but having authenticity or integrity of doing what I see as correct.
A 1 w 2 wing suggested their authority comes from their ability to see around corners and know which right action will best serve the greatest good or avoid failure.
As for how Ones experience authority, your description does accurately characterize the typical false self of the One. That quick sense of knowing what is right in a given moment, can be quite an instinctive reaction.
But here is how I think I experience that inner sense of authority. I see Ones as being realistic idealists; they see the telos (the Greek word usually translated as “perfect” which actually means “the end or purpose”) in something or someone. When we are coming from a centered place—meaning the serenity, equanimity, and sobriety of my harmony triad are present—then I think Ones see into the meaning or essence of things and can speak about what they see. Instead of being experienced as judgmental or opinionated, their insights provide clarity and discernment toward life and fullness. In such moments Ones express their authority unpretentiously and unconsciously.
TWOS
I theorized TWOS’ authority comes from love. Love is a powerful source of conviction. And the TWOS said their authority comes from their love for the other person and from their empathy, nurturing, and emotional experience. They trust their love informs them about what is good for us. Their ego, on the other hand, might be a tad self-interested. As an advice columnist observed: “All unsolicited advice is self-serving.”
I’d say my highest authority might be accessed in altruism. When I can truly take myself, my need for appreciation, and my hope of reciprocation out of the equation, I can fully lean into the purest elements of my ability to nurture others.
I think my authority as a 2 comes from people knowing they matter to me—and just matter in general. They trust that from the speed of response, the care of the response, and the ability to connect dots that go “deeper” than the presenting problem or connecting dots to see the person holistically. I often see the person more clearly than they see themselves, which when I was younger, would get me in trouble, since some people not only didn’t want that, they also didn’t like that someone saw things they didn’t. Over time I’ve become more measured in what help I give, and what I stop doing from my self-care to attend to them. But I’m still very aware even when I don’t help. My wiring is to be helpful. I have to remind myself to intervene on my behalf. I get annoyed when others aren’t as naturally helpful or aware. Find me in a busy airport and you could assume I’m thinking and wanting to let others know: “You are not the only person in this airport. Pay attention to others.” As E.B. White’s Charlotte the spider said: “By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.”
THREES
I suspected THREES’ authority comes from their competence. And they humbly admitted that they are good at what they do. In addition, taking a page from their TWO neighbors, they said their actions arise from their care for others. They do reside in the middle of the relationship trinity, after all.
For Threes I think some of their authority comes from successes that build on one another. As they achieve they become more confident in their success and their ability to organize and seek to achieve elsewhere or in larger venues.
FOURS
I thought FOURS authority arises from the depth of their feelings. They said their authority is a mystery. Of course. They also agreed their authority comes from their feelings and added also from their authenticity.
I think my authority really does come from my values, after mucho trabajo. (OK, JW had to look it up: “much work.”)
My 4 authority comes on line when I feel I can express things in a way that opens other people to receive a different, more nuanced, and more harmonic view of reality. Authority is a form of inner sight (eyes to see—something different) and its roots run deep not shallow.
I agree that my authority as a 4 comes from the depth of my emotions. I would put a slightly finer point on it and add that my authority also comes from my willingness to “go there” with people, into the darker places where others “fear to tread”, and be okay there. In my work as a hospital chaplain, I’m frequently tasked with “going there” with people, and I think the fact that I’m not intimidated by their darkness helps me to have authority with them.
My authority comes from my sense of authentic truth, from my divine humanity that will not be imposed on, dictated to, diminished, disregarded and mistreated. I have agency. I AM a sovereign being with the audacity to act as such. I guess to sum it up, my authority comes from my identity. I AM who I AM and that gives me the power and freedom to be.
I would say as a 4 w 3 wing, it’s my discernment of having the others’ best interest at heart (as authenticity) coupled with the most effective/efficient way to influence or achieve that action step, result, or outcome. I notice successful creators find the better, smarter, faster bullseye of desired best-interest coupled with a way to clearly communicate that. I know what I/other want and find a way to ask for or communicate that clearly.
FIVES
My FIVE authority comes from my knowledge. And when I thought about this, I agreed. FIVES also cited their wisdom and being “know-it-alls.” My physician, who is not a FIVE, says I pay him a lot of money for what he knows and who he knows. He is a good referral source.
My authority comes from knowing things; having knowledge, wisdom, and data. These things allow me to feel secure and less vulnerable, and it helps to ease anxiety.
Knowledge – what else is there?
I sit between the head and the heart, sensing my authority coming from both intellect/book smarts/cognition, and a deep knowing/intuition/heart knowledge that largely evades my understanding. It’s a little like the body intelligence of 8s/9s/1s, but from a sensitive emotional space. It’s quite difficult to convey with words and seems to mostly exist in a “felt sense” in my chest, heart, solar plexus, and stomach. It’s something inside me but can feel so expansive that it almost seems to exist beyond my physical body. A clear understanding combined with a rich, expansive connection to something larger...mystical… Even in writing this, I feel these words have failed in communicating my personal sense of authority.
SIXES
I wondered whether SIXES’ authority was delegated. Not surprising, some said they didn’t think they had any authority. But, blessedly, others said their authority was the Holy Spirit. Synonyms for Holy Spirit might be their essence or true nature. While admitting they look to others for authority, they also said their authority comes from self-reliance.
My sense of authority comes from intuition/Spirit, I seem to just know things. Sometimes I trip over things and make connections. Spirit does help me find the most interesting things. While studying at University, I was introduced to the idea of mystery as a way of knowing. I loved it then and still do now.
I believe that my authority lies in what “I trust or want to trust”.
I am a self-preservation Six and asked myself the question before reading the article. My personality looks around for external affirmation. However, my deep core relies on my deep knowing. Holy Spirit, perhaps. This certainly helped me understand and appreciate looking through this lens. My inner guidance, my highest self, the part of me connected to source energy. It is a felt sense. It’s a knowing and not a thought. It holds steady. It does not waiver.
For much of my adult life, my trust and wanting to trust were tied directly to what is conventional or what is conventionally understood and believed within my tribe. For me, that tribe was the scholars and theologians within the church. I trusted those who were certain, articulate, and strong. In essence, I trusted people who were “smarter and more experienced” than myself. In the end, it was an overly rigid trust that “they (not I) had the “truth”. The Enneagram as a tool has been a wonderful aid in helping me to move my trust from what is outside me (almost exclusively), to what is inside me. I don’t believe this in an arrogant way, but in a way that still tries to remain open, holding my ideas with humility, yet truly trusts the experience, reflections, and values of my life to guide me.
15+ years ago (prior to studying the Enneagram) my spiritual director told me to “trust myself.” That statement felt like heresy. Ya, I grew up in a very fundamental, evangelical faith tradition, where faith was what I knew, what I could prove and defend and not trusting my ever-changing feelings. Over the years, I began to equate that statement, “trust myself” to “I can trust Spirit working within me.” That has been powerful and formational.
Before Billy Graham passed away, I wanted him to say homosexuality was OK. He died and never gave me the security of his authority. Yet. . . I have leaned into trustingmyself, and trusting God’s goodness and welcoming. But I still wanted Billy to tell it was OK.
Your final sentence. . .“their authority comes from self-reliance,” struck a deep chord within me. Self-reliance/independence, a fierce self-reliance – “I don’t need anybody”, “I don’t ask for help”, has been a strong theme for me, even as a young person (early teens). I have grown a lot in this area over 40+ years “thanks be to God”.
I recently looked at the attributes of adult children of alcoholics. (My father was a heavy drinker, prior to marrying and having a family. His family members were all alcoholics. Dad never drank after age 30). Several attributes caught my eye, “we become rigidly self-sufficient,” and “deny that we’ve been hurt and suppress our emotions by the dramatic expression of “pseudo” feelings.” For me, it’s I am capable, I am competent,I don’t need anyone.
For Sixes I have seen that they look for authority from following the rules and maintaining expectations of the status quo. At least that has been my experience of Sixes as ministers in the church. They want backup plan on backup plan and resist change because of the innate risk.
I’m a 6, and I believe my authority comes from being loved by God (on a good day) but sometimes more likely to believe it comes from my reliability and dedication. Being steadfast comes with confidence. If you channel God’s love through you, it’s going to be something good and trustworthy. I think it’s some combination of knowing that ultimate love and goodness are inside of me and accessible and then also that God’s love means all will be well and all will be made right in the end, so I can speak and live with authority knowing that.
SEVENS
I imagined SEVENS’ authority comes from their being so positive. Being optimistic gives you a lot of confidence. What they said was a delightful surprise. Their authority comes from being two to three steps ahead. They are out ahead of us and see what’s coming. Being visionaries gives them credibility.
My authority comes from my gratitude for all the positive things I see. With this much shit in here there’s got to be a pony! I can see around or through the roadblocks and lead others forward. My authority comes from the results of having this attitude.
As someone who identifies with the patterns of Style 7, authority is a challenging concept for me. I don’t want to be inauthority, it smacks too much of hierarchies and seems limiting. If I have to bein authority, to plan a workshop for example, then I’d agree that my authority comes from my idea or vision of what will be interesting, enjoyable, stimulating and fun. I would agree with the 9s too that this vision is based on my experience and what I imagine will go down well. It’s not a question of feeling what is right though. It’s to do with seeing in my mind’s eye what I think will be pleasant and positive. As far as being an authority goes, for me that comes from my enthusiasm and fascination. Like the 5s, I need to know. But my knowledge is more superficial than theirs and it’s also linked to personal experience.
7 w 6. My authority comes from reading and experience.
7 w 8. I think authority comes in many different ways, depending on the situation. I have authority to drive a car because I have a driver’s license. Till the age of 18, I have authority over my children I gave them birth to. The Bible gives me authority. My salvation from Jesus Christ gives me authority over the evil one. So, I guess those types of authority are laws, morals and society values.
EIGHTS
Wondering where EIGHTS’ authority comes from seems like an unnecessary exercise. But I thought about it anyway. I figure it comes from their self-assurance, from their gut reactions. They said when it comes to authority, they just take it. That sounds about right. We can trust them and their reputation for being strong and getting things done.
[No further comments from the Eights. Figure it out yourself!]
NINES
I thought NINES’ authority comes from their peaceful nature. And, intuiting what would please me, they said their authority comes from their inner calm and peace. It comes from an inner wisdom about how to live a peaceful and pleasant life. Their authority comes from their own experience. It just feels right.
As a Nine, I do think that much of my authority comes from being the calm in the storm and having the right insights just in time for a situation. So, your observation of the 9’s authority commencing from inner calm and wisdom feels “right” to me.
However, as I read thru my companions in the Triad, both the 3’s competence and the 6’s self-reliance seemed to inform and underpin the feelings of “calm in a storm” and “knowing the right thing to do” of my 9.
Interestingly, when not functioning at optimum/goodness, the wings seem to bring the inappropriate, underbelly of self-righteousness of the 1 and “taking over” of the 8. (A disturbance in the force)
I have an orientation toward “system” – the interactive, interrelated and interdependent actions of the whole and that is maybe why this “feels” right. It is also useful in recognizing consciously where helpful and not so helpful actions may be originating.
I identify as a SOCIAL NINE. I don’t think my authority comes from my NINEness. I think the peaceful, calm, don’t-ruffle-feathers, see-all-points-of-view side of me gets in the way of my own agency. I can get stuck in inaction when there. When I assert my authority – whether within my own mind or with others – it’s typically an expression of my two wings: The ONE that puts a prospective decision through a “law court” and comes up with the right answer, and the EIGHT that will thereafter damn the torpedoes and go full speed ahead.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/authority.jpg7111280Jerry Wagnerhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgJerry Wagner2023-02-08 08:19:032023-02-08 16:21:26Where Does Your Authority Come From? Part 2
I was talking with someone who was having difficulty setting limits and boundaries. And I asked them “Where does your authority come from to do this?” Kind of reminded me of the Pharisees asking Jesus: “By whose authority do you say this?” (Odious comparisons are not intended and are not appreciated.) Then, I had to ask myself where does my authority come from? Followed by, whence does each Enneagram style get their authority? Then I made up some answers and, uncharacteristically, actually asked some representatives of each enneatype where does their authority come from. Here are the results.
Ones
I thought ONES get their authority from being right – and they’re usually sure they’re right. There is a tremendous power in righteousness, not to be confused with self-righteousness. And I was right! The ONES said their authority comes from being in the right and being morally right.
Twos
I theorized TWOS’ authority comes from love. Love is a powerful source of conviction. And the TWOS said their authority comes from their love for the other person and from their empathy, nurturing, and emotional experience. They trust their love informs them about what is good for us. Their ego, on the other hand, might be a tad self-interested. As an advice columnist observed: “All unsolicited advice is self-serving.”
Threes
I suspected THREES’ authority comes from their competence. And they humbly admitted that they are good at what they do. In addition, taking a page from their TWO neighbors, they said their actions arise from their care for others. They do reside in the middle of the relationship trinity, after all.
Fours
I thought FOURS authority arises from the depth of their feelings. They said their authority is a mystery. Of course. They also agreed their authority comes from their feelings and added also from their authenticity.
Fives
My FIVE authority comes from my knowledge. And when I thought about this, I agreed. FIVES also cited their wisdom and being “know-it-alls.” My physician, who is not a FIVE, says I pay him a lot of money for what he knows and who he knows. He is a good referral source.
Sixes
I wondered whether SIXES’ authority was delegated. Not surprising, some said they didn’t think they had any authority. But, blessedly, others said their authority was the Holy Spirit. Synonyms for Holy Spirit might be their essence or true nature. While admitting they look to others for authority, they also said their authority comes from self-reliance.
Sevens
I imagined SEVENS’ authority comes from their being so positive. Being optimistic gives you a lot of confidence. What they said was a delightful surprise. Their authority comes from being two to three steps ahead. They are out ahead of us and see what’s coming. Being visionaries gives them credibility.
Eights
Wondering where EIGHTS’ authority comes from seems like an unnecessary exercise. But I thought about it anyway. I figure it comes from their self-assurance, from their gut reactions. They said when it comes to authority, they just take it. That sounds about right. We can trust them and their reputation for being strong and getting things done.
Nines
I thought NINES’ authority comes from their peaceful nature. And, intuiting what would please me, they said their authority comes from their inner calm and peace. It comes from an inner wisdom about how to live a peaceful and pleasant life. Their authority comes from their own experience. It just feels right — which musically brings us back to do, or ONE in the Enneagram system.
A Request
This research is based on a small but brilliant representative sample. I would really like to gather more data to feed my alleged addiction. So, if you are willing to share your Enneagram type and your reflection on where your authority comes from, I would be happy to collate the information (keeping your name out of it), write up the results, and send it back to everyone, following the dictum about “Freely giving what you have freely received.” My e-mail is jwagner5@aol.com and operators are standing by to transcribe your replies.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/authority.jpg7111280Jerry Wagnerhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgJerry Wagner2022-11-02 10:54:172024-10-09 09:29:31Where Does Your Authority Come From?
In the Enneagram system, virtues are said to be nine manifestations of love cleanly expressed while vices are appearances of love distorted or corrupted. Since love can be directed both at ourself and towards others, the virtues are good for our relationship with ourself and with others.
So, which is a better attitude and disposition for your relationship with yourself and with others:
Serenity or Anger and Resentment?
Serenity is the acceptance part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I start from where I’m at. I’m aware and I’m not judging. Or, at least, I’m aware of my judging and also accept that part of me. I have been granted the wisdom of knowing what I can change and what I can’t change and which is which. I can meet you as you are and love you without an urgency to fix you. That might come, but only if needed and if asked. And I’m OK just as I am right now. I don’t have to berate myself and beat myself up. Serenity creates an environment of calm reception and welcomes relationships. A serene attitude and approach to oneself and others facilitates understanding and connection.
Resentment is the judgment that nothing is the way it should be. And that includes you, the world, and especially me. Resentment has been called a “hanging on bite.” It gets in the way of the dog enjoying and being nourished by the bone. So, you need to either drop it and let it go or express it and bite all the way through. Resentment hangs on and is like swallowing cyanide and waiting for the other person to die. The only person who is burning up inside is the resentor. Resentment seriously gets between people. And it doesn’t encourage self-love, either.
Humility or Pride?
Humility is the reality principle. Here’s who I am. I have strengths and I have limitations. I am a “wounded healer.” I like to give and I graciously accept your gifts. I believe “It is more blessed to give and to receive.” This humble honesty and vulnerability genuinely helps relationships. Humility is really self-care. It is able to ask for and accept what you need. And humility doesn’t infantilize others by helping them when they don’t need help or by not allowing others to support you. Humility treats all as interdependent vs. overly dependent or independent.
Pride puffs one up. “I give and you receive.” I’m the helper and you are the helpee. I don’t have needs – or, at least, I’m not allowed to acknowledge them or be needy. So, I have to manipulate you to give me what I am not permitted to ask for. Besides, “If you loved me, you would know what I need.” After all, I can figure out what you need. Why can’t you do the same? Pride gets in the way of figuring out, acknowledging, and getting what you need and it can be off-putting rather than inviting for others.
Truthfulness or Vanity?
With Truthfulness, what you see is what you get. The outer image accurately portrays the inner self. Truthfulness involves self-expression vs. image-management. My authentic self connects with your authentic self vs. our two egos running their routines. A genuine I-Thou relationship requires two genuine people, not two personalities doing their number. Our personality can only manage a You-You or It-It transaction vs. a life-giving encounter.
Vanity says “Look at me.” Or, rather, “Look at my persona, my presentation, my projects, my works.” It likes to get attention instead of make a connection. Vanity confuses networking, “How can we use each other in our work?” with selfless connection, “How can we love and respect each other in ourselves?” Vanity deceives us into thinking we are our image or persona and tricks others into believing the same. The problem is our persona is only a pale reflection of out essence, like the shadow images in Plato’s myth of the cave. So, vanity keeps us and others from knowing and enjoying who we really are.
Equanimity or Envy?
Equanimity acknowledges that we are all equal. It’s not judgmental and doesn’t compare. It admires and appreciates our own parcel of talents and recognizes and encourages the gifts of others. “If you spot it, you’ve got it.” We wouldn’t recognize others’ qualities (both good and bad) if we didn’t have some traces of those traits in ourselves. Equanimity honors both differences and sameness. We can be at once unique, as the song says: “There will never be another you;” and ordinary (we are all more alike than different) in our relationships.
Envy is that dreaded odious comparison. It looks upon others with despair, unlike Ozymandias. “You’ve got it and I don’t and I feel sad about that. Also, I’d like to get it out of you and into me.” Or envy may look on others with delight: “I’m better than you. I’ve got it and you don’t.” Envy isn’t good for either end of our relationships. One of us has to feel inferior and bad.
Non-attachment or Avarice?
Non-attachment means you are not glued to your expectations, preconceptions, categories, etc. “Give up your preconceptions and surrender to your destiny,” as we were told by my Enneagram teacher Bob Ochs. When you are not attached, you can stay in the present and not be bound by the past or future. “Right now I have everything I need to be perfectly happy.” I don’t have to store up and hold on. I freely give what I have freely received. I believe, with the poet Milton, that goodness, the more given, the more abundant grows. Non-attachment, paradoxically, fosters an abundance mentality.
Avarice means you are focused on your constructs and fantasies about the person in front of you instead of the real person themself. Your categories get between you and others. You are attached to your privacy and to your stinginess about sharing yourself — especially your feelings and energy. You hold back and hide out rather than connect with your whole self in the present, unmediated by your preconceptions. Avarice deprives others of your goodness and it deprives you of others’ goodness. No wonder it leads to a deprivation mentality.
Courage or Fear?
Courage means being afraid but doing what you need to do anyway. It’s the courage to connect with your inner authority, your inner self, and the courage to connect with others’ real selves. Courage comes from the French coeur, heart. When two hearts connect, there is no fear. Courage supports trust – in oneself and in the other. I trust that you have my best interests at heart; I have my best interests at heart; and I have your best interests at heart. We have each other’s backs. We’re covered.
Fear exaggerates the dangers in the world. It leads to self-doubt and turning to others for confirmation and protection or turning away from others to protect ourself. Fear doesn’t believe the odd notion that nothing can hurt our essence. On the contrary, it’s afraid that everything can harm us and we need to do all we can to prepare for the worst. Fear puts a barrier between I and Thou. It can defensively move us towards others to get close. “If you love me, you won’t hurt me.” Or fear may move us away from others, in flight; or against others, in fight.
Sobriety or Gluttony?
Sobriety means balance, being sensible, savoring the present moment. It doesn’t need to fly into the future which cuts off enjoyment in the present. Sobriety takes in only what we need and expends only as much energy as is needed. Sobriety doesn’t grab or gobble up. It appreciates moderation. It doesn’t go to excess. It doesn’t wear us out or tire out the others in our life. Stillness and silence can surprisingly support relationships, as well as alliteration.
Gluttony is an intense swallowing of fantasies or schemes or pleasures or whatever you can get your hands on. More is better. Moderation is boring. Gluttony exhausts you and your companions. It satiates but rarely satisfies. Gluttony is ego-satisfying but not self-nourishing. Gluttony can move on from person to person, seeking new experiences and adventures. It turns a potential I-Thou relationship into an It-It relationship. We are here to satisfy each other’s pleasure. A good start, but doesn’t lead to long-lasting relationships.
Innocence or Lust?
Innocence means coming to each person and situation with “beginner’s mind”, a childlike curiosity, wonder, and openness. Innocence approaches each person without prejudgment, without expectation, without exploitation. Innocence, from the Latin in nocens, means not harming. “Why would I want to harm you? And why would you want to harm me?” Innocence doesn’t beat up on ourself and it doesn’t punish anyone else. It invites coming close behavior and not fighting or running away reactions.
Lust or an excessive intensity wants to fill up an inner emptiness with whatever it can find. It can treat the self and others brutishly. It doesn’t express a gentle caring and concern but more an attitude of “What’s in it for me?” This way of being in the world remembers past hurts and anticipates being controlled and taken advantage of. Ironically, lust itself uses people up by being grabby and squeezing the life out of people. Lust might be good for short-term encounters but doesn’t support long-term relationships.
Action or Acedia?
Action is love expressed as gratitude for being loved and blessed. Right action says: “Thank you. And what can I do in return?” Pay it forward. Not as a quid pro quo: ”I’ll help you and then you have to help me.” Rather, I have something to offer – primarily myself but also my actions. Action works on behalf of oneself and others.
Acedia, on the other hand, is not acting, not taking care of business. Indolence is opposed to “Gettin’ it done.” Think of the nine activating their inner Three to get moving. Inaction results from the belief that “I don’t matter and neither do you.” So, let’s take the day off and fritter away our time with non-essentials, inconsequentials, diversions, and see what tomorrow brings. Probably, not much. Acedia is self-neglect and over-accommodating others. Go along to get along. But maybe good relationships need to hear what you have to say and what you need. Negotiation takes two sets of needs. Compromise only needs one.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/b4grfp-zcr0.jpg1200800Jerry Wagnerhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgJerry Wagner2022-05-26 13:34:462023-07-25 10:20:47Virtues, Vices, and Relationships
Wonder is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a cause of astonishment or admiration; the quality of exciting amazed admiration; rapt attention or astonishment at something awesomely mysterious or new to one’s experience; to be curious or in doubt.”
When I read this definition, I thought of a child’s first encounter with something new in the world. Actually, everything is new to a child.
Then I thought about the Enneagram styles and wondered if wonder flows from and fosters the high side or essence of each style. Wonder seems to accompany the adaptive or divine idea which elicits the virtue or adaptive emotional response. Wonder acts as an antidote to the maladaptive or wrong ideas which stir up the vices of the styles.
Style One
The virtue for Style One is Serenity. When you start with the assumption that everything is perfect just as it is now, you can be at ease with yourself, others, and the world. When you experience wonder, you are amazed at the rightness of everything and you are strangely both excited and peaceful. You are drawn towards what you encounter; aren’t frustrated by it and so don’t need to go against it; and don’t feel threatened by it with no urgency to run away from it.
Wonder is an antidote to Perfectionism, the trap of the One, and Resentment, the vice of the One. You’re not angry at and don’t need to fix the source of your astonishment. You simply contemplate it, are grateful, and can relax and enjoy.
Style Two
The virtue of Style Two is Humility. When you have the belief that it is more blessed to give and to receive, then you have a realistic appraisal of who you are; what you have to offer; and what you need to accept. Wonder puts you in touch with reality, not what you want it to be so you can feel useful. There is no necessity to help the object of your wonder. It doesn’t need your assistance or require anything of you. You can simply be in its presence and be appreciative.
The trap of Style Two is Co-dependency and the vice is Pride. When you contemplate or are in wonder of a sunset or a little child, there is no need to be proud. You’re not responsible for this. And when you are in a state of wonder, you don’t need to do anything for the object of your contemplation. Just enjoy it and be thankful for it.
Style Three
The virtue of Style Three is Truthfulness. When you have hope that the universe is unfolding as it should without need of your intervention and when you have hope that you are worthwhile and loved for who you are not for what you do, then you are amazed at the mystery of who you are just in yourself. You don’t have to put on airs or perform. You are wonderful simply being yourself. There is a congruence of who you are, who you think you are, and who you present yourself to be.
The trap of Style Three is Workaholism and the vice of is Vanity. Wonder allows you to be as well as to do. Essence is not vain. Your true self is wonderful as is and doesn’t need to pretend to be other than what it is. There are no grounds to be vain about something you are in wonder of. You didn’t make it. You can simply admire what is there. It doesn’t need to be promoted or dressed up. It is complete in itself.
Style Four
Equanimity is the virtue for Style Four. When you begin with the assumption that you are already original because you are connected to the source of your being, your origin, and also connected to everyone else’s being, then you already belong. Beholding someone or something with wonder elicits admiration and appreciation. The fact that you can recognize an admirable quality outside yourself means you have that quality in you. If you spot it, you got it.
Specialness is the trap of the Four and Envy is the vice. When you genuinely admire and appreciate something, you don’t need to take it out of that person or object and put it in yourself because they have something that you don’t. You are content to leave what you respect where it resides while appreciating your own parcel of talents and gifts. All creatures are extraordinary, including you; and, paradoxically, that makes everything ordinary, including you.
Style Five
The virtue of the Five is Non-attachment. When you believe that it is just as good to be known as it is to know, and when you believe that you already know enough to act, then you can step into life from the sidelines. You are a contemplative-in-action. When you observe and are in awe of something, you don’t need to possess it and hold onto it. Wonder arises in the present and keeps you in the here and now. There is no need to acquire, collect, and store up what you behold for some future necessity.
The trap of the Five is Intellectualization and Privacy and the vice is Avarice. Wonder gets you in touch with your experience. You can let go of your books and your hiding place and enter the world. You don’t need to figure out or possess what you behold. You simply stay in its presence, let it inform you, and be appreciative. You can let go of any need to own what you admire. It is enough to enjoy it here now.
Style Six
The virtue of Style Six is Courage. When you believe the force is with you, not against you, and you understand you are a part of creation, not apart from it, then wonder inspires trust. What you encounter and contemplate is not threatening but is inviting and calming. So, you can take heart, Coeur, and have the courage to be.
The trap of the Six is Doubt and the vice is Fear. While awe involves both fear and attraction, the trembling is more from excitement than panic. There is no need to fear what you are in wonder of. It won’t hurt you but welcomes you safely into its presence. Wonder leaves no doubt. You intuitively grasp that this is good.
Style Seven
Sobriety is the virtue of the Seven. When you are committed to the social and personal work you are called to, then you reside and act in the present, taking in only what you need and expending only as much energy as is required. When wonder arises from your essential nature, your inspiration and excitement are appropriate to the object of your attraction. No more; no less.
Pleasure is the trap of the Seven and Gluttony is the vice. More is better. In wonder, what is here is enough. You are satisfied and fulfilled in the present and don’t need to transport yourself into the future to plan for more. Desolation and darkness can lead to growth as well as consolation and light.
Style Eight
The virtue of the Eight is Innocence, the attitude of not harming nor anticipating being harmed. When you assume that the arc of the universe bends toward justice and what goes around comes around, then you don’t have to be the arbiter and guarantor of justice. And that is mysterious and wonderful. You are not afraid of the object of your wonder nor do you need to control what you behold. Hold it gently in the palm of your hand and be grateful for its presence in your life.
The trap of the Eight is Control and the vice is Lust, an over-intensity and over-protectiveness to fill up an emptiness you have created inside by over-valuing strength. While being amazed does call out your energy, your response is measured to the situation. You can allow yourself to be vulnerable in the presence of what you are in wonder of. You can be open and there is no need to defend yourself.
Style Nine
The Nine’s virtue is Right Action, an involvement in the world. Wonder leads to gratitude which leads to action. “Thank you, and what can I do in return?” The object of your wonder is a gift and you want to pass that gift on, to pay it forward. You believe you matter and have a right to be. And you have something to contribute.
The trap of the Nine is Resignation and the vice is Indolence, an inattention to yourself. Instead of settling for what you can get, wonder leads to excitement, not numbing out. Wonder enlivens you. It connects you to yourself and the world. You are an active participant, not a passive unimportant observer in the background.
As the poet says, we are all wonderfully made, a cause of astonishment and admiration, something awesomely mysterious. Something, indeed, to wonder at.
The Enneagram distinguishes between our essence and our personality. Other traditions speak of our real self vs our false self. In this article I will present some psychological perspectives on the real self – false self dichotomy and then some spiritual perspectives on this division.
The false self is easy to talk about. That’s where I spend most of my time. This is the automatic part of me; the repetitious part; the rigid fixed part. It’s closed and boundaried. This is the part that provokes the reaction: “Here I go again; I’ve heard that complaint, excuse, blame before. I recognize those beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors.” They keep repeating themselves. They give true meaning to Freud’s phrase “repetition compulsion.”
It’s not that the false self is completely useless. It’s not like a pill that Tom Condon once wryly described as having only side effects. It’s helped us survive thus far. But it does have varying degrees of collateral damage or side effects ranging from manipulative to neurotic to psychotic. The false self can damage our self-esteem and our relationships.
Also, the false self has ties to our real self. It exaggerates it, caricatures it, mimics it, compensates for our loss of contact with it, and reminds us what our true self is. If we follow our personality back to where it came from, it connects us with our original essential nature.
The real self, on the other hand, is not so easy to pin down. That’s the part that’s spontaneous, creative, fluid, flexible, open, unboundaried. No wonder it’s so hard to describe. What is the shape of water? It’s not as easy to define as a block of ice.
Depictions of the real self can seem abstract and not as easily recognizable as descriptions of the false self.
So, let’s see what psychology has to say about who we are and, as we go deeper, what spirituality says about who we really are.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVES
The following are some representative psychological perspectives on the real and the false self.
D.W. WINNICOTT
D.W. Winnicott, a British analyst and child psychiatrist, wrote explicitly about the true self and the false self. The true self manifests in authentic and spontaneous living; while the false self shows up in compliant, overly adaptational living.
The true self, nurtured in a non-impinging environment, represents our inherited potential which experiences a continuity of being, and acquires in its own way and at its own speed a personal psychic reality and a personal body-scheme. It experiences aliveness.
At the center of each person is an incommunicado element, and this is sacred and most worthy of preservation. The self struggles for an individuated existence which at the same time allows for intimate contact with others.
When a mother is able to resonate with the baby’s wants and needs, the latter becomes attuned to his/her own bodily functions and impulses, which become the basis for her/his slowly evolving sense of self.
The emergence of the true self involves the development of the capacity to be alone. It is important for the mother to provide a nondemanding presence when the infant is not making demands or experiencing needs. The infant is in a state of going on being. This is an experience of formlessness and comfortable solitude
Maternal failures are of two kinds:
The inability to actualize the hallucinatory creations and needs of the infant when s/he is in excited states
translation: through empathic attunement, intervene and provide the infant what s/he needs and is imagining
interference with the infant’s formlessness and integration when s/he is in quiescent states
translation: leave the infant be
Any interference with these functions is experienced by the infant as an “impingement.” Something from the outside is making claims on him, demanding a response. She is wrenched from her quiescent state and forced to respond, or she is compelled to abandon her own wishes. As a result, the infant has to acknowledge and accept prematurely the feeble and unrealistic nature of his own demands, and to mold himself to what is provided for him.
The true self, the source of spontaneous needs, images, and gestures, goes into hiding, avoiding at all costs the possibility of expression without being seen or responded to.
The false self provides an illusion of personal existence whose content is fashioned out of maternal expectations and claims. The child becomes the mother’s image of him. The false self comes to take over in some sense the caretaking functions which the environment has failed to provide. The false self covertly protects the integrity of the true self; it functions to hide the true self which it does by compliance with environmental demands.
KAREN HORNEY
Karen Horney was trained as a traditional Freudian analyst but drifted. While considered a neo-psychoanalyst, she fits just as well in the humanist tradition.
Here’s what she says about self realization:
You need not, and in fact cannot, teach an acorn to grow into an oak tree; but when given a chance, its intrinsic potentialities will develop.
Similarly, the human individual, given a chance, tends to develop his/her particular human potentialities.
In short, s/he will grow, substantially undiverted, toward self-realization.
And conditions of growth:
But, like any other living organism, the human individual needs favorable conditions for his or her growth “from acorn into oak tree.”
She needs an atmosphere of warmth to give her both a feeling of inner security and the inner freedom enabling her to have her own feelings and thoughts and to express herself.
He needs the good will of others, not only to help him in his many needs, but to guide and encourage him to become a mature and fulfilled individual.
He also needs healthy friction with the wishes and wills of others.
If she can thus grow with others, in love and in friction, she will also grow in accordance with her real self.
Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: the Struggle Toward Self-Realization
And our different selves:
The real self: the core of your being, your potential, the need to be who you are truly (the subjective view of the actual self).
The actual self: the person you actually are –regardless of anyone’s perceptions.
The despised real self: negative view of the self, based on the lack of love and acceptance by others.
The ideal self: the perfect self you think you should be, so you can be loved.
The despised real self says: “I am truly a disgraceful creature, a bad person, someone no one can truly love…”
The idealized self says: “People would love you if you were kinder, more athletic, more outgoing, more unselfish, a better friend, parent, mate. They would love you if you were more courageous, more disciplined, achieved more…”
Claudio Naranjo liked Karen Horney and added his version of idealized images around the Enneagram circle.
I am good; I am right
I am helpful
I am efficient, successful
I am special, sensitive, conform to elite standards
I am wise, perceptive
I am obedient, faithful; I do what I ought
I’m OK
I’m powerful; I can do
I am settled
For Horney, the task of therapy is to:
Help patients relinquish their defenses
Break through their idealized image
Replace the search for glory (idealized self image) with striving for self realization
Accept selves as they are
Be in touch with the real self
CARL ROGERS
Carl Rogers was one of the founding fathers and mothers of the humanist tradition. He, along with Abraham Maslow, another progenitor, writes about the self-actualizing tendency.
The self-actualizing tendency is a part of human nature. Moreover, this urge is not limited to human beings; it is a part of the process of all living things; it is the urge that is evident in all organic and human life – to expand, extend, become autonomous, develop, mature – the tendency to express and activate all the capacities of the organism, to the extent that such activation enhances the organism or the self.
The organism’s experiences are evaluated using the actualizing tendency as a frame of reference. Does this experience or behavior come from and contribute to the unfolding of my actualizing tendency?
Experiences in accordance with the actualizing tendency are satisfying and are approached and maintained.
Experiences that are contrary to the actualizing tendency are unsatisfying and are avoided or terminated.
Rogers makes a distinction between a fully functioning person and a maladjusted person.
The fully functioning person has experienced unconditional positive regard (they are loved for who they are) which leads to positive self regard (they value themselves as they were valued) which leads to the unfolding of the actualizing tendency which leads to the enhancement and enrichment of life.
In contrast, the maladjusted person has experienced conditional positive regard (they are loved if they are and do what is expected of them) which leads to conditions of worth (I’m loved if I’m perfect, helpful, successful, special, smart, do what I’m told, am happy, strong, not a bother) which leads to defensive behavior (Enneagram strategies) which leads to the maintenance of life and seeking affirmation.
Rather than talking about the real self and the false self, Rogers distinguishes between characteristics of the actualizing tendency vs defensive tendencies.
Open to experience vs defensive
Existential living: here and now and adaptable vs preconceived plan; rigid; distorted perception
Organismic trusting vs disregarding the organism; should’s; proscriptions
Experiential freedom vs manipulating self and others; being determined
Creativity vs conformity; following cultural constraints
Internal locus of evaluation vs external locus of evaluation
Willingness to be a process vs a rigid life style; being a product
Finally Rogers says the healthy person is congruent while the unhealthy person is incongruent.
When people are congruent, there is a match between:
Who you really are (real self)
Who you think you are (self-concept)
Who you show you are (persona)
When people are incongruent:
They no longer use their organismic valuing process as a means of determining if their experiences are in accordance with their actualizing tendency.
Instead, they use introjected values or conditions of worth in place of their organismic valuing process.
For Rogers, therapy:
Is designed to eliminate incongruity between experience and the self.
As therapy continues, clients’ concepts of self become increasingly congruent with their experience; that is, they now include many experiences which were previously threatening.
As clients feel less threatened by experience, they become less defensive.
ABRAHAM MASLOW
Abraham Maslow was another founder of the humanist and transpersonal traditions. Maslow originally studied motivation and is known for his hierarchy of needs.
Physiological needs that are directly related to survival, such as food, water, sex, elimination, and sleep. If these aren’t met, we don’t have to worry about the higher needs because we’ll be dead.
Safety needs for structure, order, security, and predictability. When these needs are in place, they assure us our physiological needs will be reliably met.
Belonging and love needs for affiliation, friends, companions, group, family, and intimacy. With these needs filled, we don’t feel alone and empty.
Esteem needs for recognition from other people, feelings of prestige, acceptance, and status. When we are looked up to by other people, then we can look up to ourselves which is called self-esteem.
Self-actualization needs which involve the unfolding and fulfillment of our potentials, capacities, and talents as well as fulfillment of a sense of mission or call, fate, destiny, or vocation. This involves a fuller knowledge and acceptance of our own intrinsic nature and a trend toward unity, integration, or synergy within ourselves.
Two additional needs: the desire to know and understand and aesthetic needs.
Maslow doesn’t talk about the real self and false self but distinguishes between being motivation and deficiency motivation.
When our basic needs are met, the self-actualizing person’s life is governed by:
Being Values such as beauty, truth, and justice.
Metamotives including the above and wholeness, aliveness, simplicity, et.al.
Growth Motivation
B Cognition which involves letting oneself be reached, touched, or affected by what is there so that perception is richer.
B Love that is non-possessive, less envious, disinterested, altruistic, desirous of the other’s growth, etc. (Cf. St. Paul)
When our basic needs are not met, then we are governed by deficiency motives. We are influenced by the absence of such things as food, love, or esteem. Rather than being motivated by abundance such that goodness wants to flow from us, we are motivated by a lack and a need to fill ourselves up. Here we are governed by:
Deficiency motives to fill in what we are lacking.
Metapathologies that are caused by the failure to satisfy the various B Values. These include disbelief, mistrust, selfishness, vulgarity, polar-thinking, deadness, depression, et.al.
D Perception or need-directed perception that is looking for objects that will satisfy our needs.
D Cognition that narrows and distorts our perception. Instead of seeing things as they are, we see things as we are.
D Love which is motivated by the lack of fulfillment of the need for love and belongingness. Here we crave love, like craving food, to fill an emptiness within us.
According to Maslow’s estimation, only 1% of the population is self-actualizing. That includes us and a few of Abe’s friends. He found the following characteristics in self-actualizing individuals:
They perceive reality accurately and fully.
They demonstrate a greater acceptance of themselves, others, and of nature in general.
They exhibit spontaneity, simplicity, and naturalness.
They tend to be concerned with problems rather than with themselves.
They have a quality of detachment and a need for privacy.
They are autonomous.
They exhibit a continued freshness of appreciation.
They have periodic mystic or peak experiences.
They tend to identify with all of humankind.
They develop deep friendships with only a few individuals.
They tend to accept democratic values
They have a strong ethical sense
They have a well-developed, unhostile sense of humor.
They are creative.
They resist enculturation.
These qualities might also be said to characterize the real self.
CARL JUNG
Breaking from Freud, Carl Jung labeled his approach analytical psychology to distinguish it from Freud’s psychoanalytic method. Jung writes about the Self archetype. While the ego is the center of consciousness, the self is the center of the total psyche, including the conscious and the unconscious. The Self is the component of the psyche that seeks to harmonize all the other components.
Individuation is the human striving for unity, wholeness, and integration of the whole personality. This process involves:
Innate urge towards wholeness
Coming to selfhood
Self-realization
Moving toward greater freedom
Jungian therapy involves a circumambulation of the soul. In this walking around the soul, one encounters the persona or mask or false face. This is the character we assume through which we relate to others. It is our social role and public self. It is a small part of the psyche by which we are known by other people.
There is a pathology called the “inflation of the persona.” This is the situation in which the persona is valued too highly. It can develop at the expense of other components of the psyche. A dominant persona can smother the individual. Those who identify with their persona instead of their Self tend to see themselves only in terms of their superficial social roles and facades.
The complex is another Jungian concept that has some bearing on the real self/false self dichotomy,
A complex is a personally disturbing constellation of ideas connected by a common feeling tone. This is reminiscent of the Enneagram’s fixation and vice interaction. The fixed or bad idea calls up the vice which in turn fuels the fixation in an ongoing vicious (so to speak) circle.
Among others, Jung speaks of a mother complex, a father complex, an inferiority complex, et. al. While the Enneagram addresses perfection, savior, success, special, privacy, security, variety, power, and comfort complexes around the circle.
FRITZ PERLS
Fritz Perls and his wife Laura are the father and mother of Gestalt therapy. This approach emphasizes organismic self-regulation (which would characterize the real self.)
The organism is a living being that has organs, has an organization, that is self-regulating within itself.
The organism is a system that is in balance.
Any imbalance is experienced as a need to correct this imbalance.
When deficiencies exist, the organic system remedies them.
When excesses are present, it rids itself of them.
The organism is striving for the maintenance of an equilibrium which is continuously disturbed by its needs and regained through their gratification or elimination.
Organisms must be aware of themselves.
Organismic self-regulation is a continuing process of
Distinguishing the needs of the organism
The means whereby those needs can be gratified
Organizing them into a cohesive whole of comprehension and activity
Carrying out that activity to its satisfying conclusion.
Signs of healthy functioning are attention, concentration, lively interest, concern, clarity, strength, excitement, and grace.
Symptoms of unhealthy functioning include confusion, diffusion, boredom, dullness, compulsions, fixation, anxiety, amnesia, stagnation, and self-consciousness.
These indicators can be used to discern whether we are functioning from our real or false self.
HEINZ KOHUT
Heinz Kohut was the originator of Self Psychology. He describes the self as the recipient of impressions and a center of initiative.
Qualities of a robust self involve cohesion, organization, and continuity in space and time. Here you would say of yourself: “I’ve really got it together; I’m firing on all cylinders; I’ve got the energy of a thousand suns, etc.”
On the other hand, expressions of an unhealthy self would be: “I’m falling apart here; I’m feeling deflated; I’m depressed; I’m feeling fragmented; I don’t know who I am; my center does not hold, etc.”
For Kohut, the self rests on three pillars or “poles:”
The pole of nuclear ambition – general desire and initiative to achieve goals
Guiding ideals – final goals one aspires to achieve
Talents and skills that link ambition and goals and channel our energy into achieving our goals.
So the healthy functioning self has tamed their narcissism into realistic ambition, has formulated their ideals into achievable goals, and has cultivated their talents and skills to reach their goals. All of these would be characteristic of the real self.
THE EXISTENTIALISTS
The existential tradition, represented by Rollo May, Irvin Yalom and others, distinguishes between authentic and inauthentic living instead of real self and false self.
Existential living means being fully present in the moment; being fully aware; and experiencing a kind of appreciation of being. Each person is innately endowed with a unique potential that the person will inevitably realize to some greater or lesser degree. This is the existentialists’ version of unfolding one’s potential.
Being authentic involves realizing one’s deepest nature through living from moment to moment. The extent to which someone is not fully being, is inauthentic, is untrue to one’s deepest nature
Being authentic also means confronting the givens of existence: death (which is counter-acted in finding faith), freedom (which means accepting responsibility), isolation (which is mitigated by fostering relationships), meaninglessness (which involves creating meaning).
A person living authentically is aware of, acknowledges, accepts, even embraces, the givens of life. The degree of existential guilt that one experiences in confronting life’s requirements is the single best indicator of the authenticity of one’s existence.
As human beings, we live in four worlds and need to be responsible caretakers in each.
We may ignore or feel alienated from the Umwelt
The physical world
We may let others down in the Mitwelt
The people world
We may violate our sense of integrity in our Eigenwelt
The self world
We may fail to live up to the ideals comprising our Uberwelt
If we delve beneath the psychological conceptions of the real self/false self dimensions, what do we find? When we ask ourselves “Who am I, really?” What do we discover? Now we’re in the realm of transpersonal psychology or spiritual psychology or spirituality. What or who do we find in our deepest self (or non-self)? What have other explorers found? What do the mystics tell us about who we really are?
The Enneagram’s map is broad and deep enough to traverse both the psychological and spiritual realms. So, what do Enneagram and other spiritual authors have to say about the real and false self?
SANDRA MAITRI
I’ll start with Sandra Maitri, one of the earliest students of the Enneagram, whose wonderful books The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram and The Enneagram of Passions and Virtues explore these deeper aspects of the person. Allied with A.H. Almaas and the Diamond Heart approach to inner realization, her reflections are reminiscent of a Buddhist take on reality.
What follows is in her own words.
Essence:
The ultimate nature of all of existence – its spiritual depths – is what I will refer to as Being, the Ultimate or True Nature of everything
Soul is an individual manifestation of our divine nature, Being
Each of us is a unique arising of Being
Being is what is left when all the constructs of the personality dissolve
Essence is Being experienced through our individual soul
Like Platonic Forms, Being is impersonal and timeless
Our human soul comes into contact with and knows these eternal qualities
Our soul experiences and in time embodies the universal principles of Being
Essential Aspects:
Essential nature is our innate and unconditioned state of consciousness
Essence may arise in consciousness as different qualities such as compassion, peacefulness, clarity, acceptance, etc. – Essential Aspects
Ultimate Nature:
Our ultimate nature is who we are without our history, without our mental constructs defining our experience both of ourselves and of the world around us
It is who and what we truly are, stripped of all conditioning
It is our beingness, the substance and nature of our soul
Soul and Personality:
Soul = personal consciousness = I = alive consciousness = locus of awareness and experience that understands itself to be either the personality or Being
Personalitystructure is a mental construct, a set of beliefs and internal representations
Our soul takes the shape of our personality structure
Egoic experience vs essential experience (beyond the conditioned self)
Experience of deficiency at core of personality
Loss of contact with our true nature
Dimensions of Being
There are a number of dimensions of Being that it is possible to experience, each progressively freer of conceptual veils, until we reach a state beyond all concepts, even those of being and non being, existence and non existence – beyond even consciousness – which is called the Absolute.
True Nature
As our consciousness deepens, we see that the True Natureof our soul is the True Nature of everything. We experience Being, then, in its boundlessness – unlimited by any form, even that of our own soul.
Divine Nature
It is likely that we are wired so that we can consciously know Being, so that we can know the Divine as our nature.
So rather than simply being the embodiment of and being made up of Being, which is what all of manifest reality is, we have the unique opportunity to know ourselves as such.
It may be that this is how the Divine can know itself through our human soul’s experience
What we are talking about is radical personal transformation, such that we know ourselves to be the Absolute, the Divine Itself.
It is more appropriate to conceive of our inner state as one of transparency, an openness to our depths, with progressively less of a self present to interfere with our direct expression and embodiment of Being. To speak of alignment with Being at this state ceases to be accurate, since we know ourselves to be Being, living a human life.
Differentiation and sense of separateness
When this assumption of our inherent separateness is suspended, what we see is that our ultimate nature and the nature of all that exists are the same thing
We experience ourselves as unique manifestations of one thing or as different cells in the one body of the universe
The essential realm is present all the time; we have just forgotten it or screened it out of awareness
Process to reexperience original connection to Being
Begin with experience of deficiency (holes)
Feel into this hole and be curious about it rather than escaping from it
What was experienced as a deficient emptiness changes
The emptiness becomes a spaciousness
Over time all of the qualities of Being will gradually arise in your consciousness
Being will feel like the ground of your experience
THOMAS MERTON
Coming from a Christian tradition, Thomas Merton was a Trappist monk and a modern-day mystic who taught contemplation. Toward the end of his shortened life, he became interested in and wrote about Zen and Sufism. But the beginning of his mystical journey began on a street corner in the far-off land of Louisville, Kentucky. Here is what he writes of his vision:
I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all these people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness.”
Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes.
If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed. I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. But this cannot be seen, only believed and “understood” by a peculiar gift.
Here is what Merton has to say about the true and false self.
True Self
At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will.
This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us. It is so to speak [God’s] name written in us, as our poverty, as our indigence, as our dependence, as our sonship (and daughtership).
It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it, we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely. I have no program for this seeing. It is only given. But the gate of heaven is everywhere.
Merton–as well as anyone deserving of the title mystic–believes that God is always recognizing God’s Self in you and cannot not love it. This is God’s “steadfast love” (hesed) with humanity. That part of you has always loved God and always will. You must learn how to consciously abide there.
As Meister Eckhart says, “The eye with which I see God is the same one with which God sees me. My eye and God’s eye is one eye, and one sight, and one knowledge, and one love.” God is recognizing God’s Self in you, and you are recognizing yourself in God.
Once the two-way mirror begins to reflect in both directions, it will gradually move you toward a universal seeing.
Once accepted in yourself, the divine image is then seen everywhere else too–and just as gratuitous
A door opens in the center of our being, and we seem to fall through it into immense depths, which although they are infinite – are still accessible to us. All eternity seems to have become ours in this one placid and breathless contact.
This door needs to open only once in your lifetime, and you will forever know where home base is.
False Self
Every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self. This is the man [or woman] that I want myself to be but who cannot exist, because God does not know anything about him [or her]. And to be unknown of God is altogether too much privacy.
That’s why the false self is so fragile. It’s inherently insecure because it’s almost entirely a creation of the mind, a social construct. It doesn’t exist except in the world of perception–which is where we live most of our lives–instead of in God’s Eternal Now. When you die, what dies is your false self because it never really existed to begin with. It simply lives in your thoughts and projections. It’s what you want yourself to be and what you want others to think you are. It’s very tied up with status symbols and reputation.
Whenever you are offended, it’s usually because your self-image has not been worshiped or it has been momentarily exposed. The false self will quickly react with a vengeance to any offenses against it because all it has is its own fragile assumptions about itself. Narcissists have a lot of asserting and defending to do, moment by moment. Don’t waste much time defending your ego.
My false and private self is the one who wants to exist outside the reach of God’s will and God’s love–outside of reality and outside of life. And such a self cannot help but be an illusion
We are not very good at recognizing illusions, least of all the ones we cherish about ourselves. For most of the people in the world, there is no greater subjective reality than this false self of theirs, which does not even exist. A life devoted to the cult of this shadow is what is called a life of sin.
All sin starts from the assumption that my false self, the self that exists only in my own egocentric desires, is the fundamental reality of life to which everything else in the universe is ordered. Thus, I use up my life in the desire for pleasures and the thirst for experiences, for power, honor, knowledge and love, to clothe this false self and construct its nothingness into something objectively real.
RICHARD ROHR
Richard Rohr is a Franciscan priest who was influenced by Thomas Merton.
As far as I know, Merton was not familiar with the Enneagram. Richard, on the other hand, has written or edited several books about the Enneagram as well as an inspired and insightful book Immortal Diamond: the Search for Our True Self.
Here, in his own words, is what he says about the true self and the false self.
True Self
A Zen master would call the True Self “the face we had before we were born.” Paul would call it who you are “in Christ, hidden in God” (Colossians 3:3). It is who you are before having done anything right or anything wrong, who you are before having thought about who you are.
Your true self is who you are and always have been in God
The discovery of our true self is also at the same time a discovery of God
At its core, it is love itself
Soul
True self = soul = participation in the eternal life of God
Your true self is that part of you that knows who you are and whose you are
Your soul or true self is that eternal part of you, the part of you that knows the truth about you, a blueprint tucked away in the cellar of your being, an imago Dei
Image and Likeness
We are created in the image and likeness of God
Image: our objective DNA that marked us as creatures of God from the very beginning, before we could do anything right or anything wrong
The divine indwelling was a total gratuitous gift
It is the Holy Spirit living within us – uncreated grace
We were the containers, temples, or recipients of this gift
It had nothing to do with us and yet said everything about our core identity
This is the Original Blessing
It gave every human being an inherent dignity – our true self
God has always loved his image and himself in us, even when we refuse to love and honor ourselves
The indwelling divine image moves toward fulfillment in each of us
Likeness: our personal appropriation and gradual realization of this utterly free gift of the image of God
We all have the objective same gift, but how we subjectively say yes to it is quite different.
Eastern Church emphasized image
Western Church emphasized likeness
True Self / God Self
The Perennial Tradition concludes that you initially cannot see what you are looking for because what you are looking for is doing the looking.
The vantage point switches from looking at God to looking out from God.
In finding your true self, you will have found an absolute reference point that is both utterly within you and utterly beyond you at the very same time.
Before radical conversion, you look for God as if God were an object like all other objects.
After conversion, you look out from God with eyes other than your own.
“The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; my eye and God’s eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.” (Meister Eckhart)
All humans are doing is allowing God to complete the circuit within us – until we both see from the same perspective.
That which you long for, you also are. Longing for God and longing for our true self are the same longing.
It is God which is even doing the longing in us and through us through the divine indwelling or the Holy Spirit.
You already are what you are seeking.
“My deepest me is God!” (St. Catherine of Genoa)
But you are not entirely absorbed into God
And you are not the same as God, which would be pantheism
You are, however, inherently in union with God
And the relationship is continually given and offered from God’s side
True Self / Christ Self
The Risen Christ archetype represents the final perspective of every true self:
A human-divine one that is looking out at God from itself – and yet knowing that it is God-in-you seeing God-who-is-also-beyond-you.
Christ is the archetypal True Self offered to history
where matter and spirit finally operate as one
where divine and human are held in one container.
The True Self is neither God nor human.
The True Self is both at the same time, and both are a total gift.
East / West Perspectives
Buddhist tradition:
Form is emptiness, and emptiness is form
All forms eventually return to formlessness once again
Christian tradition:
Incarnation – death – resurrection – ascension
All of creation comes forth as individuals and then goes back into God, into the Ground of all Being
False Self
The false self poses and thus substitutes for the real thing.
The false self is bogus more than bad, and bogus only when it pretends to be more that it is.
Your false self is your incomplete self trying to pass for your whole self.
The false self is our small self or ego; our true self is our soul.
The false self is who you think you are.
It is a social construct.
It is your container for your separate self, the “wineskin” that Jesus spoke of.
The false self is the separate self.
Our fear of death largely comes from the imagined loss of an imagined individuality.
The false self has no substance, no permanence, no vitality, only various forms of immediate gratification.
True Self / False Self
Thinking creates the false self, the ego self, the insecure self. The God-given contemplative mind, on the other hand, recognizes the God Self, the Christ Self, the True Self of abundance and deep inner security. We start with mere seeing; we end up with recognizing.
Your true self is that part of you that sees truthfully and will live forever. It is divine breath passing through you.
Your false self is that part of you that is constantly changing and will eventually die anyway.
It is in the world of passing forms and yet it sees itself as a central reference point–which is never really true.
The false self is passing, tentative, or as the Hindus and Buddhists might say, “empty.”
Some form of suffering or death–psychological, spiritual, relational, or physical–is the only way we will loosen our ties to our small and separate false self. Only then does the larger Self appear, which we would call the Risen Christ, the soul, or perhaps the True Self.
The physical process of transformation through dying is expressed eloquently by Kathleen Dowling Singh, a woman who has spent her life in hospice work: “The ordinary mind [the false self] and its delusions die in the ‘Nearing Death Experience.’ As death carries us off, it is impossible to any longer pretend that who we are is our ego. The ego is transformed in the very carrying off.” This is why so many spiritual teachers say we must die before we die.
The manufactured false self must die for the True Self to live, or as Jesus himself puts it, “Unless I go, the Spirit cannot come” (John 16:7).
Theologically speaking, Jesus (a good individual person) had to die for the Christ (the universal presence) to arise. This is the universal pattern of transformation.
Letting go of the original “good person” that we are is always a huge leap of faith precisely because it is all that we know at that point.
What has to die is not usually bad; it is just extraneous to our essence, and thus gets in the way.
Love
In order to fully experience the intrinsic union we already have with God, who is Love, it seems that we need to first be love ourselves in some foundational way. We can only see what we already partly are, which is why I like to call it a mirroring process. Contemplation helps us to rest in this love; as we gradually take on the likeness of love, we will see love over there too. What you see is what you are. That’s why Jesus absolutely commanded us to love. This is necessary for the mirroring process to begin! Our inner state of love is alone able to receive and reflect the ultimate outer Love (2 Corinthians 3:18).
The deepest Truth of every human is Love, as we are created in the image and likeness of an infinitely Loving God (Genesis 1:26-27), which Christians call Trinity.
If we are in a state of negativity, what Julian of Norwich calls “contrariness,” we won’t be love or see love. We must watch for this contrariness–we all experience it quite frequently–and nip it in the bud. This contrary self often takes three forms: comparison (common in the female); competition (common in the male); and contrariness or oppositional energy (common in all of us). Our false self is actually relieved and empowered when it has something to oppose. The clearest identifier of untransformed people is that they are living out of oppositional energy, with various forms of comparing or competing, judging and critiquing. As long as we do this, we never have to grow up; we just show how others are wrong or inferior.
DAVID BENNER
Dr. David G. Benner is a depth psychologist, author and wisdom teacher. The central organizing thread of his life and work has been to help people live the human journey in a deeply spiritual way and the spiritual journey in a deeply human way. Drawing on the insights of science, philosophy, and the perennial wisdom tradition, Benner has worked toward integrating psychology and spirituality.
In his book The Gift of Being Yourself, he writes about the Enneagram and the true and false self. The following are his thoughts in his own words.
True Self and God
The self is where we meet God.
If we find our true self, we find God and if we find God, we find our most authentic self.
All (creatures) give glory to God by being exactly what they are.
For in being what God means them to be, they are obeying him.
The true self is your total self as you were created by God.
It is the image of God that you are – the unique face of God that has been set aside from eternity for you.
We do not find our true self by seeking it.
Rather, we find it by seeking God.
It is by losing our self in God that we discover our true identity.
There is no true life apart from relationship to God.
Therefore, there can be no true self apart from this relationship.
Our true self – the self we are becoming in God – is something we receive from God.
Any other identity is of our own making and is an illusion.
Knowing ourselves must begin by knowing the self that is known by God. If God does not know us, we do not exist.
False Self
Our false self is the self we develop in our own likeness. This is the person we would like to be – a person of our own creation, the person we would create if we were God.
The false self is the belief that my value depends on:
what I have,
what I can do
what others think of me.
True Self and Love
Genuine self-knowledge begins by looking at God and noticing how God is looking at us. God cannot help seeing us through eyes of love.
Love is our identity and our calling, for we are children of Love. Created from love, of love and for love, our existence makes no sense apart from Divine love.
The God who is Divine community is known only in human community. Deep knowing of perfect love, just like deep knowing of ourselves, demands what we be in relationships of spiritual friendship.
True Self and Christ
As we become more and more like Christ, we become more uniquely our own true self.
Jesus is the True Self who shows us by his life how to find our self in relation to God.
The self we find hidden in Christ is our true self, because Christ is the source of our being and ground of our true identity.
Calling
Our vocation is grounded in the self that from eternity God has willed that we be. Our calling is to become that self and then to serve God and our fellow human beings in the particular ways that will represent the fulfillment of that self. Our identity is not simply a possession. It is a calling.
And so psychology brings us to our true self and spirituality brings us to God. If we stop at our ego, we miss our self. If we stop at our self, we miss the Ground of our Being. As Rick Steves, the travel guide, says: “Keep on travelin’.”
REFERENCES
Almaas, A.H. Essence: The Diamond Approach to Inner Realization. York Beach, Me: Samuel Weiser, 1986.
Benner, David. The Gift of Being Yourself. Downer’s Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2015.
Horney, Karen. Our Inner Conflicts. New York: Norton, 1945.
Jung, Carl. Analytical Psychology: Its Theory and Practice. New York: Pantheon, 1968.
________. On the Doctrine of Complexes. In The Collected Works of C.G. Jung (Vol.2). Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1973a).
Rogers, Carl. On Becoming a Person.: a Therapists’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Miflin, 1961.
Rohr, Richard. The Enneagram: a Christian Perspective. New York: Crossroad, 2002.
___________. Immortal Diamond. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2013.
Maitri, Sandra. The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram. New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 2000.
___________. The Enneagram of Passions and Virtues. New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 2005.
Maslow, Abraham. The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. New York: Penguin, 1971.
May, Rollo. Existential Psychology. New York: Random House, 1961.
Merton, Thomas. New Seeds of Contemplation. New York: New Directions, 1961.
_____________. A Thomas Merton Reader. New York: Harcourt, Brace and World, 1961.
Perls, Fritz. Gestalt Therapy Verbatim. Moab, UT: Real People Press, 1969.
Siegel, Allen. Heinz Kohut and the Psychology of the Self. New York: Routledge, 1996.
Yalom, Irvin. Existential Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books, 1980.
https://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/real-self-false-self-mirroe.jpg6671000Jerry Wagnerhttp://enneagramspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/header4.jpgJerry Wagner2021-01-18 14:33:102021-09-06 11:57:33The Real Self and The False Self – Psychological And Spiritual Perspectives
We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website.
Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.
Essential Website Cookies
These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features.
Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site.
We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. You are free to opt out any time or opt in for other cookies to get a better experience. If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain.
We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. Due to security reasons we are not able to show or modify cookies from other domains. You can check these in your browser security settings.
Other external services
We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.